Thoughts and a Prayer

Today at work I was bending over to pick something up off the floor (okay, it was a Reese's wrapper, I admit it). I spotted something shiny on the floor wedged between my computer tower and my desk. I picked it up and found that it was my left earring. I NEVER look under my desk, never! How was it that I just happened to look down there and find that earring? So many things in my life have happened like that. For instance, why did I go pick up J and take her to Whataburger when I was 17? I hardly even knew her. I could have picked up any of my current friends; but, no, I picked J. Out of thousands of people at the Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion at a concert in July of 1993, how was it that J happened to be standing near me in a line for margaritas?

I don't like to say that I am lucky to have J; I like to say that I am blessed. I never believed in luck, except for when playing a game or gambling. But does it mean that I was unblessed when I was without her for 23 years? A woman in Houston lost her house in a fire the other day, but said that God blessed her and her 3-yr-old grandson alerted her to the smoke and saved her life. Did God unbless her by her losing her house? People in car wrecks are always saying how "blessed" they are when they survive. What about the other people who didn't survive? Were they unblessed?

I had a friend who used to pray about EVERYTHING! She would always pray when we went anywhere in the car, even down to Sonic for lunch. She would pray that God would help her find her misplaced keys, or that her mower would start. I told her we shouldn't pray for such little things. She said God cares about every little thing we do and that we should pray. Well, God is my father in Heaven. I didn't need to know about every little boo boo my kids had or every time they lost a sock, or whatever. I try not to bother God about the "little" things. But there is one thing that I think is really big for 2010 that I want to ask God for. God, PLEASE heal our family relationships! PLEASE! J and I are trying so hard to do our part. A nudge to our family members from you in just the right direction would be such a blessing to us. Thank you. Amen.

New Year's Eve

Well, we had to cancel the hotel reservations because J came down with a major sinus infection. She went to the doctor today. I hope she gets better soon. I hate to think of her sick over the holidays. What a drag for her.

Christmas Photos of My Girls

I love this girls so much. Why can't they see that? They are so beautiful. They are being so standoffish with me. Will they ever forgive me and move on? I wonder. I pray. Pray for the day when they will accept me for who I am and see that I didn't want to live a lie anymore. Would they rather I had stayed and continued my charade and possibly killed myself in the process? I know they feel that I deceived their dad when I married him and that I didn't love him at all. I loved him, but like a brother. It was never a romantic love; so, yes, I was deceitful. I was hoping my love would change with time, but it didn't. I was hoping that being married and being in a fundamental church would "cure" me, but it didn't. Now I know the truth. I didn't need a cure because there was never anything wrong with me in the first place.

Christmas 2009

I am sitting here in my new leopard print Snuggie that my sister-in-law gave me for Christmas. Nice.

Here's a photo of our church decorated for Christmas. It looks like there's no one there. The photo was taken 30 minutes prior to the service when there were very few people there. It's the first time I have been to Christmas Eve service in at least 10 years. I had missed it so much. The pipe organ was lovely, and there was a flautist who played several carols along with the organ.

Our pastor was in ICU that night, so it was kind of sad. I started crying during Silent Night when they lit the candles, partly because I was so happy to be with J with her arm around me, and partly because I missed my kids.

After the service, J took me around looking at Christmas lights. We drove around the River Oaks Country Club and through Tanglewood. It was beautiful!

On Christmas morning I fixed her breakfast and we opened our stockings. Then we went our separate ways. :o( She to her mother's, me to my mom's and dad's. My family was friendly enough to me, but the girls always act so guarded when they are around me and my ex together. They never thanked me for any of their stocking stuffers or really for their gifts, either. At least I got a gift from them this year, a photo of them. I will post it in a bit.

Got home around 7:00 p.m., and J and I opened our gifts. She was way too generous with me this year: I got a Lampberge, a cutlery set, and a Bluetooth. Also, I got lots of candy and a Barnes and Noble gift card and a Catherine's gift card.

From me, J got: Two DS games, a jupiter jack, a Texas Longhorn necklace, a DVD, a bookmark, some insoles for her shoes, and some strawberry gummies.

J went out of town the day after Christmas, so I stayed home and cleaned the apartment, putting a lot of the gifts away. Guess we'll take the tree down after New Year's.

J's sister came over last night to exchange gifts with me. We went to Chacho's for margaritas and Mexican food. So good to have some family over.

For New Year's Eve, J is taking me to a hotel downtown, but she won't tell me which one or which restaurant we have reservations for. I CAN'T WAIT!!!

Two more days and I will have another 4 day weekend!

Well, if I don't check in beforehand, see you in 2010! I hope it's everyone's best year yet!

Love By Pilot Light

A week ago, December 4th, it SNOWED in Houston! Yeah, baby. So J got off work early and called the apartments to come light our fireplace. That is what we were told we had to do when we wanted a fire.

However, since it was snowing, the office closed early and she had to leave a message. I couldn't wait to get home to my love and snuggle in front of a romantic fire. When I got home, there sat J, with no fire, still in her work clothes waiting for someone to come light it.

Fast forward to Monday evening. It's around 60 degrees outside. The fireplace lighting call has all but been forgotten. I come home. After awhile, I walk past the fireplace and hear a hissing sound. And I see this:

I called J and she said to call the apartments; however, it was past office hours so I had to call the "emergency number." It was answered by an answering service operator.

"What is your emergency, ma'am?" she asked. "Well, Friday we asked for someone to light our fireplace, but no one came. Someone came into our apartment today when we weren't home and lit it." Then I lit into her. "And it's not even a fire! It's just a stupid little flame like a candle! I can't even see it unless I walked over to the fireplace and look in between the logs!" I was upset. "AND we don't know how to turn the thing off. No one ever told us how!" The fire was supposed to look like this:

Now, see, I'm from the old school, where we chopped our own wood for a fire. I have even chopped down trees to chop the wood for a fire. I have never had a gas fireplace.

Anyway, the office manager came to our door and told us that the "flame" was a pilot light which would stay lit all winter, and showed us the button to push - Presto! An actual fire! Push the button again - Presto! A pilot light.

What an idiot I am! But tonight we will enjoy our romantic fire together with no pilot light.

Snow

We may get snow here in Houston today! If so, it will be the second year in a row!

Almost Wordless Wednesday

Tuesday's Loooong Meme

1. Who was the last person you kissed? J
2. Do you think you could forgive someone for cheating on you? No.
3. How long have you been in your current relationship? A year and a half
4. Do you still talk to the person who hurt you the most in life? No.
5. Who's the last person you sent a friend request to? I guess this means Facebook??? A girl from high school
6. Do you trust people easily? No.
7. Do you currently have a lot of drama in your life? No, not compared to last year.
8. Who's the last person you kissed on the cheek? My grandmother
9. Is anyone in your family a criminal? Yes, but he's dead.
10. Do you think you're attractive? Absolutely not!
11. Are you currently stressed out about anything? Always
12. Do you know anyone that's a stripper? No
13. Who's the most sarcastice person you know? J
14. Who was the last person you told to shut up. J, but in a joking sort of way. I don't like that expression.
15. What do you miss the most right now? J
16. What was the last thing you lied to your mother about? Drinking
17. Do you believe in giving second chances? Yes
18. Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? Yes.
19. Is anyone angry with you at the moment? Yes, my daughters.
20. What's the last song you heard? I Dreamed a Dream by Susan Boyle
21. Can you quote a song lyric from it? I Dreamed a Dream, ha ha.
22. Name a song that reminds you of a past relationship. Ding Dong the Witch is Dead
23. Is there anyone in this world you would do absolutely anything for? Yes, family and friends.
24. Do you still talk to any of your ex's? Yes.
25. Do you like the color of your eyes. Yes.
26. Who's the last person that sent you a message on myspace? No one sends me messages there.
27. How are you feeling right now? Freezing
28. Do you think anyone hates you? Yes
29. What do you think your last ex would say about you? I broke his heart and dreams.
30. When you say you love someone, do you mean it? Yes, but there are many different types of love.
31. Do you still talk to the first person you fell in love with? Every day!
32. What's one thing you recently learned? Where a Sonic is around here!
33. Are you going to have a baby by the time you're 18? That time has come and gone, and, no, I was 28.
34. Do you avoid certain people at school or work? No, not able to avoid anyone.
35. Does anyone like you right now that you know of? I hope so.
36. Would you ever fake your own death? No
37. Do you know anyone that was molested as a child? Yes
38. Have you ever kissed anyone that was the same sex as you? All the time!
39. Do you still want the last person that hurt you to have a happy life? Yes
41. Why did your last relationship end? Divorce, but it ended way before that.
42. What would make your life complete right now? If my kids and family would accept J.
43. Do people compliment you often? No.
44. What's one thing you like about the person you're thinking of right now? How beautiful she is
45. Are you talking to anyone right now? No
46. Do you have any friends that are pregnant? No
47. Are you in love with someone right now? J. This is getting redundant
48. What's the last thing you stole? Candy from an ice cream parlor.
49. What's a curse word you use often? Shit
50. Is a broken heart as bad as it sounds? Yes
51. Would you ever get plastic surgery? Yes
52. Have you ever ran away from home? Yes, and shouldn't that be "run"?
53. Do you know anyone that's ever been raped? Yes
54. Would you ever kill someone? Yes
55. Do you ever feel lonely? Yes
56. How long did it take you to get over your last heartbreak? 10 years
57. Have a lot of people betrayed you? No
58. Do you believe in God? Yes
59. Are you good at hiding your feelings? No
60. Do you tend to wear your heart out on your sleeve? Yes
61. How may unread messages are in your e-mail box? 2
62. Do you know anyone that looks up to you? Not anymore
63. Which one of your friends is always serious? None
64. Are there any people in your life that you wish you had never met? Yes
65. If you could get any tattoo, what would you get? J's name
66. Are you happy with the person you are? No, but I'm getting there.
67. Do people think you're a bad person? Yes
68. Do they also think that you're a slut? No, I hope not.
69. Are you with the last person you kissed? Yes, now I am. She just came in the door!
70. Have you ever wanted to just run away and start over? All the time
71. Have you ever been punched? ????
72. How many people do you know that have been in jail? One
73. Have you ever given out your cell number and then later regretted it? YES!
74. Was your last kiss a mistake? No
75. Are you a tease? Yes
76. Do you love your best friend? Yes
77. Do you find the opposite sex confusing? Yes
78. Do you usually end up losing in the game of love? I didn't this time!
79. What's one stereotype you think you fit perfectly into? Dumb blonde
80. Do you know anyone that sells drugs? No
81. Do you know anyone that does drugs? No
82. Do you care about what's happening in other countries? Yes
83. Do you get annoyed easily? Yes
84. Do you consider yourself high maintenance? No
85. Do you think you have a pretty good reputation? No.
86. Would you ever intentionally and physically hurt someone? If someone I knew was in danger, yes.
87. Would you rather date someone who sold drugs or used drugs? Neither

Man, that was long. Guess I have too much time on my hands. LOL J is home now! It's cold and raining outside, a perfect night to snuggle! It may rain here in Houston on Friday! Have a good night!

Who I Was Born To Be

I am supposed to meet a friend in the very near future to "come out." But the thing is I don't want to tell her I'm "gay." I have always hated those words, "Gay, lesbian, homosexual," etc. I don't feel gay, whatever that is. I don't want that label. I have never felt "gay." All I know is that I am the woman who has always been in love with J, and that is who I was born to be.

To Grumpny Granny regarding slideshow

I tried that. I don't get that option. Ugh!

Worthless News

I have so many books to read now. Usually, I am digging around trying to find something to read. Here is my list in order of reading material: Fannie Flagg - Can't Wait to Get to Heaven; Howie Mandel - Here's the Deal: Don't Touch Me; Lesbian Couples - not sure of the author's name; Reader's Digest December edition; Janet Evonovich's most recent number book - 15?

Hey, does anyone know how to take a slideshow and copy pictures from them individually? I was forwarded a slideshow that would make some AWESOME Wordless Wednesday photos, if I knew how to separate them. Or can you put a slide show on blogger?

Have a nice Sunday. I am worried that I am going to ruin ours with my OCD. I can't wait for another 4-day weekend. This one has been GREAT! (EXCEPT TODAY)

K19 and I at the Galleria

See what I want for Christmas? Of course, if I was hit from behind, I would be dead! I spent a wonderful evening with my daughter, K19! I showed her our condo, took her to dinner, and then we walked the Galleria, all 3 sections twice each. I was exhausted, but it was so worth it!

I think we may be possible hitting a turning point. She is contemplating moving out of her dad's house and moving in with my parents for awhile, just to get away and have some freedom. My ex is having difficulty cutting the strings.

She needs a change of town, scenery, job, etc. Looking at moving about an hour away to a junior college next year to give her even more independence.

Christmas Tree

Tonight Jand I put up our first Christmas tree since being back together. I told her something tonight I'm not sure she knew before - I haven't decorated a tree since I was a kid. I couldn't. I have a major phobia over Christmas trees, have since childhood. I had a traumatic experience near one. I can't go into places like Hobby Lobby or anything once their trees are up.

But because I love J so much, it was not as difficult to do as I thought it would be. Here you see the living room of our new place. I have hesitated to take photos because we don't have any of our pictures on the walls and still have some boxes laying around. But don't you love this room? To the right of the tree is a sliding glass door which takes you outside to a HUGE balcony. We can hear the church bells every quarter hour. Beautiful

You can also see an ornament on our tree. This photo was taken in a photo booth when we were about 17 or 18 years old. My goodness, how we have changed!

I am glad that Thanksgiving is over. We get to spend all day together tomorrow, most of Saturday, and all of Sunday together. Hopefully, we will be going back to church on Sunday. I miss it so much and want to make some friends there.

Thank you all for your kind comments over the past few weeks. Things are better here. My oldest daughter seemed more relaxed with me today, and on Saturday I am going to show her how to drive into Houston to where we live.

If you pray, please pray for K16, as she will be having an ultrasound on your stomach and pancreas this coming week and lotssss of bloodwork. She has quit her job because she keeps getting sick and her blood sugar keeps dropping. Her white blood count is also too high.

Tuesday

This has been a horrible week so far. I can't wait until Wednesday. That is all.

Anniversary!

Well, today is our anniverary, and I just wanted to show you what J got me! It's a charm bracelet from James Avery that tells the story of our love. From right to left: 1) a music note (We met in high school band) 2) dolphins (her nickname for me in college was Flipper) 3) A heart that says, "You are always in my heart." (because when we were apart for 23 years I was always in her heart, 4) a margarita glass to symbolzie our first date back together (she took me to Pappasito's).

I got J a watch with a french horn on the front of it, and her name is written above the french horn. I had it engraved on the back, and they spelled her name wrong on the back. They are supposed to send me a new one; but, still, it totally ruined the moment for me because now she can't wear it.

L's Grand Entrance

We had lunch with friends today at a Mexican restaurant. Our friend, L, made her grand entrance into the restaurant by knocking over this poor tree! Way to go, L!

My Health

Some of our friends have asked how I am doing. I have a little bit of time today, so I thought I would post what has been going on with my health.

I had my first breast surgery July 24th to remove a small tumor which the drs. seemed to think was benign. When I went in for followup, I was told that the tumor was very "unusual." It had a name, but you couldn't find more than a couple of sentences about it on the internet. Angiomyoepithelioma. Just to make sure, my dr. sent the biopsy slides to M.D. Anderson, about the best cancer center in the country. M.D. Anderson said that they suspected that all of the tumor may not have been removed and recommended that my dr. go back in and scrape the tissue further out.

So on August 31st, I went in for basically the exact same surgery. It was called a partial mastectomy so that the insurance would pay some of it. Well, unfortunately, I did a stupid thing and went back to work the next day. Wrong thing to do. I was miserable, and ended up losing skin on my breast, which was extremely painful. This time J and I were sent to a radiology oncologist who said that they could not tell me it was cancer; they could not tell me it was not cancer; they could not tell me I needed radiation or that I did not need radiation. It is our choice. No one seems to even have a name for what it was. It is not angiomyepithelioma after all. And it was not made of breast tissue. Instead, it was either made of bone, muscle or blood tissue, or a combination of them.

I was hoping that M.D. Anderson would want to track me for further research, but I guess they don't. Since radiation will be about $12,000 cash upfront from us and the "C" word has not actually been revealed to us, we are opting to do nothing at this time. We can only hope and pray that it does not come back. I am to have yearly mammograms and self exams and exams from the dr.

I am very angry right now about all the talk in the media about the new guidelines for getting mammograms. I know that mine was not found by a mammogram, but mammograms are much cheaper than the treatment for Stage 3 or 4 breast cancer. I know they are saying that the numbers say not many cancers are found in the early years, but if it is you or your sister or your daughter who moves to the latter stages because she couldn't get a mammogram in her 40s because her insurance company followed those guidelines, you would feel differently.

So now everyone knows - I don't have cancer, and I don't not have cancer. I don't like being on the fence, but it's better than being told you need chemo.

November 22, 1980

29 years ago this Sunday, at 5:45 in the morning, you asked me to marry you. I think it was a Sunday back then, too. We were so young, just 18. And yet, we knew. We knew that we were meant to be together for the rest of our lives.

Fear set in, and we were apart for over 20 years, but we found our way back to one another. I am so thankful to God that he put you back in my path, J. You have always had my heart; now you have me with you have me physically with you for the rest of your life.

We were wed again on March 1, 2009, this time in front of others; but the first time, November 22, 1980, will forever be "our anniversary" to me.

I love you, J.

Sunday Meme

PART ONE: Describe:

Your hair? Brown with blonde highlights

Your mother? Beautiful smile, always friendly, a great cook and hostess, never slows down, in denial

Your father? Tall, friendly, in love with my mom

Your favorite food? cheescake

Your dream last night? No dream last night. Too exhausted. Night before: I dreamed when J and I moved in to the condo it was a dorm. It was hot and humid, with water running on the floor like a small creek. There were two chihuahuas and four chinchillas living in the room that no one would claim. And a rabbit came out of the closet and peed on the carpet. J said, "So that's what that lemon smell of the cleaner is for!" (Our new condo smelled strongly of lemon cleaner when we moved in.)

Your favorite drink? A huge strawberry margarita with whipped cream.

Your dream/goal? To have a decent paying job that I love with lots of insurance, to become an activiely involved grandmother, to retire with J in the Texas hill country, to die before she does.

The room you are in? Ha ha. Our new "den/office." Stacks of empty boxes, a stack of computer boxes serving as a computer desk.

Your hobby? Don't have one at the moment. Going to start working on our wedding album that has been in the closet since March.

Your fear? Losing J

Your TV? Always on.

Your Pets? None, unfortunately.

Your Friends? Awesome people.

Your life? Getting better and sweeter every day!

Your mood? Restless. I should be unpacking.

If you're missing someone? My girls

Your best friend? J. She will always be the best friend I have ever known.

PART TWO: The Where's?

Where do you want to be in 6 years? With J traveling around and enjoying life.

Where were you last night? At home unpacking, then eating pizza, drinking wine, and playing Trivial Pursuit.

Where did you grow up? In Houston

On place that you go to over and over? San Marcos

Your favorite place to eat out? Pappasito's in Houston; Palmer's or Grin's in San Marcos.

Wish list items? Rosetta Stone Spanish Levels 3 & 4

Last time you laughed? A few minutes ago

Last time you cried? Yesterday as I was looking around our old apartment for the last time

PART THREE: The What's?

Something you aren't? Skinny

Last thing you did? Made lemonade

What are you wearing? T-Shirt and jeans

Something you're not wearing? Pantyhose

Your favorite store? I really love Barnes and Noble and Bed, Bath & Beyond! Does a new car dealership count as a store?

Moving Tomorrow!

J picked up the keys at 3:30 and I met her out the new place around 5:00 p.m. Man, the place is like Fort Knox to get into! First, you have to have a remote or a code to get into the gate in the underground parking garage. Next, you have to have a key to get inside (the mail room) to get to the elevator. You have to know exactly where you are going because there are four mail rooms (sets of elevators.) Then you have to have a key to get into the condo. Plus, there is a lock and two dead bolts on the front door. I took photos of the place tonight empty, but left the dumb camera there so I can't post photos.

Tomorrow the movers come at 8:00 a.m. so I had better get off the computer and get some shuteye!

I love you, J! Thanks for taking this step with me! I know I really had to twist your arm to move uptown! Not. LOL

To our IRL friends, come visit anytime after Thanksgiving Day! Our anniversary is November 22nd, so I want to have J to myself that weekend!

K19

Here are some new photos of my 19-yr-old. She worked backstage of Alladin.

Happy

I never realized it before, but when I am happy, truly happy, I post more often. Saturday I posted three times, and posted twice yesterday. I guess when I get depressed and withdraw, I REALLY withdraw.

These are photos of my youngest daughter, 16. She was a harem girl in the producation "Aladdin." The boy in the picture is the guy she is beginning to get involved with. She did such a beautiful job up there. The stage is her sanctuary.

Batman Lies

Do you tell Batman lies? Guess I need to tell you what a Batman lie is in order for you to answer. A Batman lie is a deliberate lie that you tell in order to get something you want. I have started to use the phrase "That's a Batman lie!" with J a lot. Hmmmm. Because SHE tells them!

The term came about last year when we were "dating." One night we didn't have much time to spend together. By that, I mean that there was not enough time to get a hotel room and be alone. So she did the next best thing; she took me to a basically dark, empty movie theater to see The Dark Knight. J said that she had not seen it yet. (THAT was the Batman lie.) It had been out for quite awhile, and I simply could not imagine that she had not seen it. It was her type of movie. She knew that I had already seen it with my kid, so she asked me if I would be willing to sit through it again. Why not? At least this time I would have someone to grab on to or put my head on her shoulder during all the scary parts.

Well, J ended up spending the ENTIRE movie staring at me while I tried to watch the movie. She laughed when I would get scared and held me close to her. We were in seats where the arm rests lift up, so we were basically on a love seat. Little did I know that she already knew where the scary parts were, so she was ready to comfort me three frames before each scene.

She now says that she deliberately lied to me and picked a movie that was very long so that we could spend more time together. And that she picked it, also, because she had already seen it and, therefore, wouldn't miss anything while staring at me.

So, now that you know what a Batman lie is, have you ever told one? Or are you like J and tell them CONSTANTLY!!!!

Sunday Meme

1. What was your favorite subject in high school? Band
2. Do you watch reality shows? Which ones? Right now, The Amazing Race. Used to watch Apprentice when I had a business. Loved watching Survivor, but couldn't much because I worked on Thursday nights.
3. What's your favorite reality show of all time? The Survivor show where Richard Hatch won. Nothing has ever been able to top that.
4. Do you think reality shows are faked? No, but I think they only put the most controversial parts in and they sometimes set things up to create controversy in the first place.
5. What did you look like as a teenager? Ugly, very tall, very skinny, lots of acne. I was not popular.
6. Whose advice do you listen to? I'd like to think Jesus's.
7. How often are you sick? Not often this year. I think my resistance has been up because I am happier and more fulfilled than last year. Usually, I just have allergies.
8. Do you like or dislike change? I am more comfortable with a routine, but sometimes I wouldn't mind J and I spontaneously just packing up and leaving town for the day, not having a clue where we're going? And I think our big move next weekend will be a welcomed change. We have some pretty lousy memories here, but some good ones, as well.
9. How many times have you had a broken heart? Once.

A Day With Old Ladies

I spent much of the day today with my 93-year-old grandmother and her friends. I know I said last year that she was 93, but she really is 93 now. She gets around pretty well; just stopped driving last month. Today she had some very visible signs of old age: trouble keeping her balance, couldn't open the individualized packets of her new pills, thought the brand new toaster I had bought her for her birthday was broken, mistook a quarter for a penny.

Anyway, I hate the idea of getting old, as those of you who have read me for awhile know. I was sitting with Trudy, Dot, Judy, and Grandma at lunch, thinking the whole time that I never want to get this old. It was depressing. The exciting conversation for the day was how the front office people were taking everything out of the closets and out of the beauty salon and dumping it in the hall. "Fall cleaning for open house," Jo Ann said. "No, it's for the inspection," Trudy said. "Huh?' Dot said. (Dot can't hear a damn thing.) "No, it's for the open house," Jo Ann said again. "Well, I don't know what it's for"my grandma said, "but it's funny!" Ha ha ha ha. Ugh.

When the 12-yr-old waiter came to take my order, Trudy asked me, "Are you going to get the fresh bread?" I asked, "Fresh bread?" I had seen just "bread" on the menu. "Yes," she replied excitedly. "It's fresh out of the package!" "Huh?" Dot said. When I got my "fresh" bread, it was either as stale as week old bread or had been put in the toaster for a few seconds. It was very dry around the edges. I put butter on it to help it out. All the while, the four old ladies were oohing and ahhing over the fresh bread, including Dot, who had no idea what the hell she was oohing and aahhing about.

And then the exciting subject of bingo came up. You pay 50 cents, and when you win, you get a quarter. Some lucky lady at the place won 5 quarters this morning!

Just then, an extremely old woman came over to the table, patting everyone on the back and grinning. My grandmother introduced us. And as I was sitting there contemplating how I can painlessly keel over in my sleep before my 90s, the woman came over to me and said (I kid you not), "Look what YOU have to look forward to in the future! Someday YOU are going to be an old lady just like US!"

"Do you want that coffee to go? the 12-year-old waiter asked Dot. "Huh?" asked Dot. "He said do you want your coffee to go? Do you want him to put your coffee in your walker?"Trudy asked. "Yes," said Dot. My grandmother leaned over and whispered in my ear. "Watch this," she said. "When Dot gets ready to leave, everyone at the table will get up with her and bring her her walker." Sure enough, when Dot tried to stand up, Jo Ann and Trudy stood at attention. Jo Ann rolled the walker over beside Dot. "I don't know how to drive this thing," Jo Ann said. Trudy pulled the chair out for Dot, while Dot painstakingly got up herself and grabbed a hold of the walker.

As we walked away, my grandmother said to me for the upteenth time, "No one ever leaves anyone alone at the table," my grandmother told me. "If everyone else is finished eating, we wait until the last person is done. It's our unspoken rule around here. We NEVER leave anyone alone."


I am poking fun at them today, but I am so glad that my grandma has these wonderful, old women to keep her company and be her friends and that they never leave her alone at the table.

Panhandler

I know you can't see his sign, but it says, "Family abducted by aliens. Need ransom." I would have given him money for his creativity if I had had any.

Saturday Six Meme

Name six of your favorite characters on Sesame Street and why.

1. Grover - my favorite above all because he is most like me. He is not too bright, but his heart is always in the right place. He is very compassionate to others.

2. Cookie Monster - because he is just too darn cute the way he talks and obsesses over cookies.

3. Big Bird - because he (she) is monstruous in size and should be threatening to little ones, but his big heart and empathy make up for it.

4. Mr. Hooper - I loved Mr. Hooper so much. I was so sad when he died. A shopkeeper who keeps everyone in line, always a friend to others, what more could you ask for?

5. Bob - "Who are the people in your neighborhood?" "One shape is not like the other." Songs I will never forget.

6. Not a character but a video - "Nine, nine, nine, nine, let's sing a song of nine. How many is nine?" "Nine coconut custard pies!!!!!" Funny the things you remember.

This Week

Well, this week has been horrible all around so far. Today is hump day, so maybe things will get better on the other side.

Halloween's Past

When I was young, around 2nd or 3rd grade, my parents would let me go trick or treating with friends, no parents. It was so different back then. My friends and I would trick or treat for a few blocks, and then without our parents' knowledge, we would hike FAR AWAY (giving up the chance to stock up on candy) to a house where there was a woman dressed like a witch, stirring her witch's brew in a big kettle. She was always there, surrounded by fake spider webs and scary sound effects. If my parents had any idea how far I went, I would have been whipped.

One year in my new neighborhood, I dressed up as a TV set. My rabbit ear antennae kept getting caught in small trees between houses, kids were turning my knobs, and I could barely see out of the slit I had cut in the "screen." When I got back home from trick or treating, my dad had a special request of me. On my screen I had written, "Channel 2 News." My dad knew that a guy in our subdivision worked for Channel 2, so he INSISTED we walk all the way to this guy's house, and it was FAR!! We walked and walked and walked. All the people had now gone inside and turned their lights off, even this man. But my dad still made me go up and ring the stupid doorbell. He was trying to show me off. The guy answered the door and didn't even notice my screen, gave me the candy, and closed the door. All of that for nothing, no "wow" or "how clever," etc. that my dad wanted to hear.

Every year after trick or treating, my parents would drive me and my little brother about 7 miles away to my paternal grandparents' house. My parents would make us stand in front of the front door and ring the bell, while they "hid" off to the side. My grandfather would open the door and act surprised, "Wow, what a cute cowboy!" "What a cute TV Set!" "I wonder where THEY came from?" blah blah blah. Then we would take off our "masks" and say, "It's us, Pappy!" And then my parents would come out of hiding and we would go in. My grandfather would look through our candy stashes and pick out all of his favorite candies. I used to hate that part. As I grew older, I would pick out candies on my way to his house that I didn't want him to take away.

It was around that time that a boy died eating poisoned Pixie Stix. Turns out, his dad poisoned him. But Halloween just wasn't the same after that. Malls started having "safe" trick or treating. Churches started having "fall festivals." But by then, I had grown out of it anyway.

When my kids were little, we would take them trick or treating about a block or so, then take them to a party or carnival to play games, win prizes, etc. I wished I could give them the freedom I had when I was younger, but it just wasn't possible. Things were so different back then; or were they?

Wordless Wednesday Reply

Yes, it is a church where I am going to Jazzercise classes. I love the ivy around the arches. Just spoke to me.

Wordless Wednesday

Condo Model Photos - Our Floor Plan is Reversed

Sunday

Damn, we've had a great Sunday! We woke up late and snuggled for about an hour; then J hinted she wanted me to fix her breakfast. I love cooking for her. After breakfast we were going to go to the grocery store, but went back to bed until after noon. When we finally made it to the grocery store, we actually didn't argue about shopping. I helped her carry the groceries upstairs, and then it was time to make her lunch. We had an awesome salad with Asian/ginger dressing and later some dirty rice and hominy. Now she is finishing the newspaper and watching the Texans WIN!!! After the game, we will watch movies and play a game. Then watch the Amazing Race tonight, TOGETHER ON THE COUCH! And to think I used to dread Sundays!

Notice I didn't say anything about packing! We aren't moving into our condo until November 14th, so we have time. All the DVDs and CDs are packed. There really isn't anything else to pack so early, I don't think.

Hopefully, I am starting Jazzercise Wednesday. Tomorrow we find out whether or not I need radiation, so please pray or pass positive thoughts our way.

I have been reading your blogs. Leo - I really like your passworded blog. Your honesty in your writing is wonderful. Rebecca, I miss your postings. Where the heck are you?

I Miss J

I miss J so much, it's not even funny. She is my life. When she is not with me, I am lost. Am I crazy? Am I obsessed? I miss her loving arms around me. I miss her teling me she loves me. I miss her telling me that I am the only one for her. PLEASE bring her home to me Safely. I am so scared that she is going to be in an accident.

1. What is the color of your toothbrush? Purple
2. Name one person who made you smile today. J
3. What were you doing at 8 am this morning? Trying to sleep
4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? Marinading a chicken
5. What is your favorite candy bar? 3 Muskateers
6. Have you ever been to a strip club? yes
7. What is the last thing you said aloud? "Thanks" to the cashier
8. What is your favorite ice cream? Dutch Chocolate
9. What was the last thing you had to drink? Diet Dr. Pepper
10. Do you like your wallet? Don't have one.
11. What was the last thing you ate? eggs
12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? No, but hope to.
13. The last sporting event you watched? Houston Texans football game
14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? Movie theater with lots of butter
15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? J
16. Ever go camping? Yes, when I was a kid.
17. Do you take vitamins daily? No
18. Do you go to church every Sunday? No
19. Do you have a tan? No
20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza? Yes
21. Do you drink your soda with a straw? Yes
22. What did your last text message say? "Groceries $28.08."
23. What are you doing tomorrow? Don't have a clue
24. Favorite color? Purple
25. Look to your left; what do you see? a wall (boring meme; isn't it?)
26. What color is your watch? Gold
27. What do you think of when you hear “Australia”? kangaroos and koalas
28. Would you strip for money? no
29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? usually drive thru
30. What is your favorite number? single digit - 9; multi-digit 11228052522725
31. Who’s the last person you talked to on the phone? my dad
32. Any plans today? wash clothes, pack, clean, cook dinner
33. In how many states have you lived? 1
34. Biggest annoyance right now? allergies
35. Last song listened to? Taylor Swift's latest single
36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? It would take me awhile
37. Do you have a maid service clean your house? No, but where we are moving to, we will get maid service onece a month.
38. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? white crocs right now
39. Are you jealous of anyone? yes
40. Is anyone jealous of you? yes, everyone
41. Do you love anyone? every day with all my heart, yes
42. Do any of your friends have children? Yes
43. What do you usually do during the day? sit in front of the computer, answer the phone, feed people
44. Do you hate anyone that you know right now? no
45. Do you use the word hello daily? yes
46. What color is your car? black
47. What size wedding ring do you wear? 7
48. Are you thinking about someone right now? yes, J.
49. Have you ever been to Six Flags? yes
50. How did you get your worst scar? c-section

Wordless Wednesday - Okay, Five Words. Sorry

One Year Ago Today - The Best and Worst Day of My Life

WORST:



One year ago today, around 7:00 a.m., I kissed my sleeping daughters in their beds for the very last time. I whispered in their ears, "Don't ever forget that I love you." But they just nodded and mumbled, "Love you, too", fast asleep.



My garbage bag was packed in the trunk from the night before with five changes of clothes.



After I kissed the girls, I didn't even stop to look around the house at: the "home" that I had basically "created" by myself, as a mother does for her family. The painted walls that took me and my two girls an entire month to paint. The home decor, not that there was that much of it. My Emmett Kelly, Jr. clown collection, the kitchen, stocked with every kind of gadget you could imagine, with recipes, spices, and sun reflectors in the window. The huge DVD collection that the girls and I had collected together and would stay up until all hours of the night watching, before falling asleep in the den. The pool where so many pool parties and cookouts were held countless times each summer. The school room where we had done homeschooling for 10 years. The girls' bedrooms that I would never see again. None of it would I ever see again, and I never stopped to even look. It was too painful.



I petted my beloved two-year-old Shih-Poo that slept with me each night one last time and said "goodbye" to the cats. I walked out the door, and I never looked back at the house. Got in my van and drove away, towards work, in a daze, holding back tears and then letting them just flow.



BEST:



J picked me up around 7 p.m. after I told ex that I was leaving him and the girls and why.



She drove me away from: the walking on eggshells, the countless nights of drinking myself into oblivion, taking way too many pills, my children begging me to stop, a husband who had no earthly idea what was wrong, what to do with me, how to make it work. Away from a church and community where I was lying to everyone about who I am and what I believe.



J drove me to: a hotel, where we talked for hours, her holding me while I cried my eyes out. A place where I finally felt loved, safe, accepted, home, really home. ME. I was where I was supposed to have been since 1979.



TODAY:



Things are not as rosy as I thought they would be one year later. BUT my children are talking to me and seeing me again. My family is including me in family events. My daughter made it through her senior year, even through all the emotional turmoil she was going through. My ex and girls are finally in a more stable environment. I have come out to my friends (most of them - lost all but two of them) and family (most of them). I am in a new job where I would probably not be fired for being gay. (I was teaching in a small, private school before) I fall asleep and wake up in the arms of the most beautiful, wonderful woman in the world, who cares for me, loves me, believes in me, adores me. (I dont' know why.)



MY HOPES FOR THE NEXT YEAR: (I will check in one year later and see how many came true.)



I am going to set my hopes super high, knowing that all of my expectations will not be reached, but what the hell's the problem with hoping?



That my oldest daughter will tell me she loves me.

That I will be able to come out to my maternal grandmother.

That J's mom will be more comfortable around me, allowing me to spend time with her, even if it is just dinner in a public place. (Actually, she might prefer a more private place. LOL)

That J's sister and I become closer. I always wanted a sister.

That J and I will be allowed to spend at least ONE HOLIDAY together with either her family or mine.

That I can wear my wedding ring around my family.

That J and her mom grow closer.

That one or both of my daughters would attend our church with me.

That my children would believe that I am not going to hell. OH, AND THAT THEY WOULD LEAVE THE CHURCH THEY ARE IN and join a more liberal church. (Now, THAT will take a miracle!)

That I can feel comfortable in our church as me and become actively involved with the children there, or that God uses me in other ways at the church.

That J and I will finally be able to tell the world that we had our commitment ceremony in March.

That somehow my secret will slip out to my boss and he will be okay with it.

***That my children will meet J and like her and want to be around both of us at the same time. (I think this is my biggest wish of all, because if they could see how happy J and I are together, or how happy I am with J, at least, I think their feelings for me might change. I want them to be more of a part of our lives. I don't want to live the "divorced dad" lifestyle anymore.)

I made it through today and have not cried once. Thanks for listening blogspot friends.

Avoid Cleaning House Day

What is the point of this song?

By Paul Simon

(Ooohh..)

When I was a little boy (when I was just a boy)

And the Devil would call my name (when I was just a boy)

I'd say "Now who do, (who-oo)Who do you think you're fooling?" (when I was just a boy)

I'm a consecrated boy (when I was just a bo-o-o-y)I

'm a singer in a Sunday choir (oooh)

Oh my mama loves me, she loves me

She get down on her knees and hug me (ahh a-a-ah)(oh)She loves me like a rockS

he rocks me like the rock of ages

And loves me

She love me, love me, love me, love me

When I was grown to be a man (grown to be a man)

And the Devil would call my name (grown to be a man)

I'd say "Now who do, (whooo)Who do you think you're fooling?" (grown to be a man)

I'm a consummated man (grown to be a ma-a-a-n)

I can snatch a little purity (oooh)

My mama loves me, she loves me

She get down on her knees and hug me (ahh a-a-ah)(oh)

She loves me like a rock

She rocks me like the rock of ages

And loves me

She love me, love me, love me, love me

And if I was the President (was the President)

The minute that Congress called my name (was the President)

I'd say "Now who do, (whooo)Who do you think you're fooling? (who do you think you're fooling)I've got the Presidential Seal (was the president)

I'm up on the Presidential Po-o-dium (oooh)

My mama loves me, she loves meS

he get down on her knees and hug me(oh)

She loves me like a rock

She rocks me like the rock of ages

And loves me

Fade out:She love me, love me, love me, love me(loves me like a rock)

Who wants to be loved like a rock?

Rocks are ignored.

Rocks can't eat, sleep, talk or move.

Rocks are kicked.

Rocks are thrown.

Rocks are climbed with sharp pick axes.

They have no feelings.

On the othe hand:

A diamond is called a rock.

Rocks can be painted.

There used to be pet rocks.

Firm foundations are built with rock.

Famous monuments are built with rock.

Jesus is my rock.

Yeah, maybe I would like to be loved like a rock after all.

The Amazing Race

J and I have discussed tonight that if we ever went on The Amazing Race together, we would divorce.

Today was a monumental day: J and I both joined and came out on Facebook. Wow! It feels good, but WOW!

J's Birthday Party

I still have not figured out how to move pictures around on this blog. They all end up in one lump, and I am typing on the upper right-hand side of the window. When I click and drag, there is nowhere to drag them to because the window is small and I can't click the down arrow at the same time.

So.... here are some photos in random order of J's party.

I am thinking of closing this blog, so if there are some old photos you want, you ought to grab them now.

In Memory of Mary Travers

Job Meme

I wrote a meme to celebrate my new job. Please answer about your current job only. For more info about memes, go to this site:

http://thedailymeme.com/what-is-a-meme/

1. How did you get this job? J knew the person who was leaving, and they needed to fill her spot.

2. What is the most interesting thing about your job? I am learning a little bit about the law. When I get a chance, I like to take a peak at some of the cases. Man, people will sue others over the stupidest things!

3. What is the stupidest thing you have to do on the job? Stack the magazines in three perfect stacks on the coffee table

4. What is the most boring thing you do on the job? Stand at the water cooler and fill the water pitchers

5. What has been your klutziest moment on this job? Running into my bottom drawer when it is open. My right leg and foot are bruised from doing this over and over.

6. Do you use scissors on your job? Yes.

7. Do you travel for your job? If so, how many miles per week/month? No, but it would be nice to get out of the office once in awhile.

8. How much weight do you have to lift? No more than 20 lbs

9. Do you listen to music on the job? If so, what kind? Contemporary Christian with my boss's NPR in the background

10. What do your co-workers think of you? That I am a dumb blonde

11. Do you handle money on the job? Yes, checks only, please.

12. Are you the big boss on the job, or do you want to be? No. No. I have been a boss before. It does not suit my personality.

13. Do you shake hands on the job. Yes, and I use LOTS of hand sanitizer.

(If your answer is "yes" to the above question, be careful. It's swine flu time!)

Waking Up Is Hard To Do

Hey,We're Back!

It's good to be back! J and I haven't had a working computer in weeks, and I had to have a second ta ta surgey, which I am still recuperating from. Today is J's birthday! Happy birthday, my love! Now you are as old as I am!

We had to cancel her birthday party because I am not feeling well, and she has to work today and tomorrow because they are going to trial next week!

Man, there's so much to tell you guys, but I think today I will just relax and catch up on your blogs!

Ta Ta for now!

I will be back soon!