Screwed Up

Okay, I had been on Weight Watchers about 10 days and had lost 6 lbs. Yay for me! But then last night I told J, "I want some tequila!" It had been a looong day, my brain was fried. So not only did we go out and I had two margaritas, I had two fajitas, charro beans, and sopapillas for dessert! Ugh!

So it's back on the diet horse today. You really do have to get back on RIGHT AWAY or you fall back into the same junk food routine, at least I do! Besides, I keep telling myself, if you don't cheat once in awhile you are denying yourself foods you love and that's not right. I have to be realistic about this. I am going to cheat once in awhile. If I don't, I will lose my sanity!

J is out of town today; miss her so much. Tonight I am going to a melodrama and throw popcorn at the villain. Tomorrow, J and I plan to go see Despicable Me in 3D. Can't wait!

Wordless Wednesday

20 Questions - Thanks, Joey!

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? Yuck
2. Do you miss anyone right now? I miss J. I miss my girls. I never thought I would say this, but I miss my paternal grandfather.
3. If you could move anywhere else, would you? Yes, I would move near San Marcos, probably Martindale.
4. If you could choose, what would your last meal be? Barbecued ribs and a loaded baked potato
5. What famous person, dead or alive, would you want to have lunch with? Jesus - dead or alive, depending on how you look at it. Alive, Donny Osmond, so that J could spend time with him
6. What was the last book you read? Wicked
7. What was the last movie you watched? Who is Clarke Rockefeller?
8. What was the last song you heard? On the Street Where You Live sung by Dean Martin
9. What's your dream vacation? An Alaskan cruise, preferably a lesbian cruise line
10. What is the next trip you'll take? Probably to Louisiana, Biloxi, or Branson. Well, in reality, probably San Antonio before that.
11. Did you ever go to camp? Yes, church camp and Girl Scout camp. One year at Girl Scout camp, our bitch of a leader made the entire troop sit out in the hot, Texas sun for over an hour because of something one girl had done. We were all sunburned to a crisp and probably close to dehydration when the assistant leader arrived and made her let us up. Someone could get seriously sued for doing that today.
12. Have you ever been in love? I have been in love with J since I was 17, so 31 years.
13. What do you want to know about the future? I just want to know if my girls are going to find mates and be taken care of for life. I want them to find their soulmates from the very beginning and not make a mistake and marry the first person who comes along. I see my oldest in a very big rush to find a serious relationship. She's only 20. I keep telling her she has lots of time.
14. Where is your best friend? J is at her mother's birthday dinner right now.
15. How is your best friend? Happy, I hope.
16. Who is the biggest gossiper you know? I don't think I know any real gossipers right now. On the other hand, maybe they are all gossiping about me.
17. What does your last text message say? I just gave it to her, like, two second ago.
18. What are 3 things you've always wanted to do, that you still plan to accomplish? Finish my novel, get legally married to J, retire off the streets (I have a fear of becoming homeless)
19. What is one thing you've learned from your parents? Denial. Oh, you mean something good? Still thinking.
20. What is one thing you hope to teach your own children? More than one thing: to be who you are, that being gay doesn't mean you are going to hell, that I never meant to hurt them or their father, that having them was not a mistake

A Different Kind of Pride

I think my daughter has a heart of gold, I really do. She has a second mom, a second family, really. I used to feel jealous until J reminded me that in high school many of us had second families. J's family was mine. So even if I had not left, she would probably still be close to this family. And I thank God for them, really, I do. They have been there for her in many instances when I could not.

Somehow today K17 found out that the family's bank account went under and that they would not have any money until the weekend to live on. They have three kids to support. So K17 got all of her birthday money together ($40). Then she told me, "Mom, I have been saving quarters and stashing them in my closet for two years." She added them up today and that came to $33. So she is now over at their house giving them $73 of her own money. I reminded her that when you "give" someone money, you don't expect it back. She said, "I know, Mom. There have been many times when they have paid my way into the movie or bought me dinner, etc. I don't expect it back anyway. It's not much money, but what if $73 is all they need to bring their account back into the black?"

Then my oldest daughter decided that she might get her cash together and add to the amount. I am so proud of my girls. They don't have much but they are willing to help another family in need.

BeZombied Game

This is my newest addiction. I play it on my phone whenever I can. It is like Bejeweled except that when you get a row of three or more, the phone vibrates, and I absolutely love that feeling, and that is what I am addicted to. I've only made it to the fifth level, but I don't care. I just start over so I can feel that vibration in my hand. And, best of all, it's free!

Name That Character and Show

While you're eagerly anticipating my return in a few days, here's another character to ponder. If you know her name, then you DEFINITELY know the name of the show she was on! And as a bonus question, do you know the name of the actress who played her?

I Was Blessed Today

Today I volunteered like most Sundays with homeless teens, many of whom are LGBT. One young man who usually joins me for journaling after lunch does more talking than writing; but, oh, how he blessed me today! He told me things about his past that he has hidden away for a long time. It was a privilege to be there for him while he wept tears; not many, but it was good for him.

I am not going to name any names, but we have a real problem down the road with one of the Catholic shelters. They are not treating the LGBT youth with respect. They are allowing hate speech and some of the workers and volunteers are involved in it. At our program, hate speech is NEVER TOLERATED for any reason. You will be kicked out of our program and told not to return if you engage in it.

There was a film recently of one of our transgendered youth who "lived" at that shelter briefly, briefly because she was persecuted for who she is. She was put in the male sleeping and showering areas and was also beaten by fellow residents.

In this day and age it is shocking that this still goes on, especially in an institution sponsored by a "Christian" organization. Needless to say, she received help from another local facility that specializes in housing transgendered people.

I am so glad that I volunteer for an organization that is a safe place for these young people. I am learning about a lot of things: drugs, survival sex, couch hopping, Lady Gaga, and more. My hope is to one day go out on the streets with Stand Up For Kids, but I am just not able to do that right now.

I have been getting a lot of hits on my blog recently. Keep coming back! And don't forget to visit my OCD Blog, Around and Around.

Mondays and Tuesdays I am unavailable for writing, so see y'all sometime this week!

Oh, and Camlin was right. Last week's Name That Character was from H.R. Puffinstuff. She was Witchipoo played by Billie Hayes.

I will post another character for you to guess this week!

Name That Character!

C'mon, show your age and lack of a social life as a youngster.

Holy Stairwell, Batman!

So, as you know, I am doing Weight Watchers. I have lost two pounds since Monday. Two more pounds and I will be back where I started on my weight loss ticker. Then, hopefully, my ticker will go down.

So since I have had very little time to exercise away from work, I decided to exercise while at work. I work on the tenth floor. I thought if I walked upstairs to the tenth floor every morning, down ten flights to get the mail and back up, and then back down to get to my car, that would give me a small workout. Not a lot but more than I am getting by taking the elevator.

This morning I took the elevator to the lobby and asked the security guard if I could re-enter on the 10th floor from the stairwell. He said "no" but that I could re-enter on Floor 9 and then ride the elevator up one floor. So when it was time to get the mail, I walked down ten flights of stairs to the lobby. I was pretty tired and already huffing a bit. That shows you how bad of shape I am in. I used to be able to walk 3 miles without breaking much of a sweat. I started back up towards Floor 9. When I got there, it said "Re-entry" (See photo), but the door was LOCKED!!!! I was having trouble catching my breath, my knees were shaking, and I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest.

So for the next few minutes, I had to drag, repeat, literally drag my ass all the way up to the 15th floor. I swear, someone almost found me lying on the floor of that stairwell; I came that close to passing out.

I seriously doubt I could have made it one more floor. I guess it was good that our building does not have a 13th floor. That is probably what saved my life!

"The Queen is the only person who can put on a tiara with one hand, while walking down stairs.” - Princess Margaret

Watching My Weight

Okay, the ticker counter hasn't moved. Well, until last week. Now it should read five pounds heavier. I stuck to South Beach until 20 lbs down; then I just stalled.

Today I am starting Weight Watchers. I have always heard great things about it. In fact, I lost quite a bit on Richard Simmons' food mover years ago. It is based on the points system. My problem is as soon as I lose my weight, I forget to weigh and take off running with the food! If I commit myself to weighing every couple of days, I don't let it get away from me.

So here's to my first time on Weight Watchers! Wish me luck! If any of you WW peeps have any suggestions or links that you like regarding WW, please let me know. I have already printed record sheets (weekly) to keep track of my points. As with any lifestyle change in eating, you have to plan ahead for your meals. That is one of the toughest parts for me.

Today I am eating: Breakfast - one egg, two slices of turkey bacon; Lunch - half sandwich with whole wheat bread, slice of deli turkey and slice of fat free American cheese plus 1/2 cup strawberries with Splenda; Dinner - half a steak with 1/2 baked potato with Smart Balance
Morning Snack: 3 Lance wheat/cheese crackers; Afternoon Snack: Activia Lite peach Total is 23.5 points out of 24.

I am hungry already! LOL

My exercise goal is for every night that I am home to do thirty minutes on the Wii or 30 minutes on the treadmill or bicycle. So far I think I will be home 5 nights out of 7. Hopefully, you will see my ticker go back down and my Wii will switch me back to "overweight" instead of "obese."

Good Times!

Forbidden Love

Nothing says "forbidden love" like the story of Maria and Captain Von Trapp. It's funny, but in real life, their characteristics were in reverse. The captain was more shy and quiet; Maria was more assertive and outspoken. J and I have also reversed personality traits since college. She was once the shy, quiet girl; I was more outgoing.

Our relationship was always forbidden, so I can really identify with Julie Andrews' character, Maria, in The Sound of Music. She had to keep her love hidden from the world because she was to become a nun. I had to keep my love for J hidden from the world because it was "wrong." No one ever actually said it in words, other than my mother warning me when I was about 12 that there are "some girls who try to kiss other girls." I don't ever remembering anyone in the church saying it was wrong. I just knew by the way they acted around homosexual couples that the subject was taboo in our home. At age 17, I fought my feelings for J like crazy for several months, but I felt like Maria in the gazebo when she finally kissed me. That was all it took. She had my heart from then on.

The best part of the movie for me is when the Captain holds Maria in the gazebo and they sing this simple song of just a few lines. I bawl every time. I even tear up just thinking about it. So to you, my love, J, here's to "Something Good."

Perhaps I had a wicked childhood

Perhaps I had a miserbale youth

But somewhere in my wicked, miserable past

There must have been a moment of truth.

For here you are, standing there, loving me

Whether or not you should

So somewhere in my youth or childhood

I must have done something good.

Nothing comes from nothing

Nothing ever could

So somewhere in my youth or childhood

I must have done something good.

Pizza Time

Pizza's on his way. J and I are going to stay in and watch The OCD Project tonight. It's the finale! Can't wait!

Speaking of the show, I've been hangin' out a lot at my other blog. Drop by and check it out. The link is to the right>>>>>

Not much has been going on. Went to a lousy interview on Friday. I KNOW I didn't get that one. Oh, well...

Thought we had a bad virus on the computer. I think it's fixed now (crossing fingers here). Lovin' my Blackberry more each day. Game night tomorrow night at church. Not sure if we're going. High school reunion Saturday night - DEFINITELY not attending! I will never go to another one after they embarrassed me at my 10th by putting me on stage with another girl who had had some major cosmetic help and said that we were the most changed. I had just had a c-section three weeks before and was still a blimp. I hear the reunions are different now; just not sure I want to find out.

I was a bit depressed this week because my daughter didn't bring me back anything from Uganda, not even a blade of grass. Oh, well, that's her passive aggressiveness for you!

Gotta run!

Pretty Moms

I love looking at J, especially when she doesn't know it. Sometimes I am staring at her, and she looks at me with a frustrated expression and asks, "What?"

Here is a typical conversation:

Me: "You are so pretty. You look like your mother."

She nods her head "no."

Me: "Don't you think you look like your mother?"

Her: "Yes."

Me: "Don't you think your mother is pretty?"

Her: "Yes."

Me: "Well, then?"

Her: "Everyone thinks their mother is pretty."

Hmmm. Does everyone think their mother is pretty? My mom's picture with my dad is above. I always wanted to look like her, not my dad. Of course, I look like my dad. My mom has Cherokee Indian in her, the darker skin and high cheek bones. She has perfect teeth. My brother looks like my mom, but has my dad's crooked teeth but good eyesight and is almost completely bald (that's also from my mother's side). My mother has very thin hair, so I am glad I got my thick head of hair from my dad. I inherited her terrible eyesight and my dad's bad teeth.

I have my dad's tall height and mannerisms, especially the way I use my hands and fingers. But everyone says I laugh like my mom and sometimes from another room they cannot tell which one of us is laughing.

What physical traits did you inherit from your biological parents, and do you think your mom is/was pretty? I tend to think mine is. She's almost 73, by the way! I hope I look that good if I make it to that age!

Wordless Wednesday on Thursday

My New Love

I bought these for the office just so I could try them. Yum! I limit myself to two each day. Every since J and I went to the rodeo carnival, caramel is my new favorite thing! I hear that Milky Way now has a new caramel candy bar. Thought Milky Ways already had caramel in them? What other caramel delights do you recommend I try?

Written In The Stars

Below are the lyrics to the song Written in the Stars by Westlife. Listen to the words, J. They are for you and me.

I am a hopeless romantic. I love romantic dinners, unexpected flowers. And love letters, oh, God, how I love love letters! Tomorrow J is taking me out on a lunch date, and it got me to thinking about romantic stories. The above story is one of my favorites - Rocky and Adrian.

If you have never seen a Rocky movie, may I suggest Rocky I, Rocky II, and the last movie, Rocky Balboa. I am not into boxing at all, but the story of Rocky and Adrian is so moving, I can get through the boxing parts, which there aren't that many of. One of my favorite scenes is at the end of a fight, Rocky is looking through the crowd for Adrian. People are running up into the ring, screaming at him, pushing, trying to get to him, but all Rocky can think about is finding his beloved Adrian. He is shouting, "Adrian! Adrian!" And she is running through the thick soup of the crowd, screaming, "Rocky! Rocky!" Oh, man, I get chills just thinking of it.

And when he screams at the animals in the zoo, "Hey! I'm getting married!"

My favorite scene is from the final movie, Rocky Balboa. I searched and searched for it on You Tube, but couldn't find it. It is when Rocky breaks down in front of Paulie about how much he misses Adrian and he cries. Seeing Sylvester Stallone crying like that, wow, it almost makes me believe that Rocky and Adrian were real people. It makes me think how I would feel if I ever lost my beautiful J. I don't think I could go on.

Anyway, here ya go, J, Written in the Stars:

Stay with me

Don't fall asleep too soon

The angels can wait for a moment

Come real close

Forget the world outside

Tonight we're alone

It's finally you and I

It wasn't meant to feel like this

Not without you

Cos when I look at my life

How the pieces fall into place

It just wouldn't rhyme without you

When I see how my path

Seems to end up before your face

The state of my heart

The place where we are

Was written in the stars

Don't be afraid

I'll be right by your side

Through the laughter and pain

Together we're bound to fly

I wasn't meant to love like this

Not without you

Cos when I look at my life

How the pieces fall into place

It just wouldn't rhyme without you

When I see how my path

Seems to end up before your face

The state of my heart

The place where we are

Was written in the stars

I made a few mistakes, yeah

Like sometimes we do

Been through lot of heartache

But I made it back to you

Cos when I look at my life

How the pieces fall into place

It just wouldn't rhyme without you

And when I see how my path

Seems to end up before your face

The state of my heart

The place where we are

Was written in the stars

I love ya, Baby.

A Drug For Pregnant Women To Prevent Lesbian Babies

What is this world coming to? If you'd like to read this article click here. Makes me sick. First they tell us we are chosing this lifestyle, then they tell us they can control our sexual orientation. People need to get their heads out of their butts and stop playing God.

July 5th

Today I get to do my favorite thing, grocery shop. NOT! I hate it; I abhor it! The only thing I despise more is cleaning ceiling fans. I like to go with J, though, so she doesn't have to do it alone; although I suspect we get it done more quickly when we each do it alone.

I got a free app for my Blackberry. It's a grocery list. I thought it would take the ho-hum out of grocery shopping. Last week J said it took too long because she can't see the list when I have the Blackberry in my hand. And it is difficult manipulating groceries in your hands when you are desperately trying to keep from dropping your Blackberry on the store's tile floor. The other night I dreamt my cell phone blew up. Must be from all the Sudoku I am playing.

After shopping, we are going to Office Depot for some ink and some supplies for my writing students. I told you I'm working with homeless teens, right? Then we are going to go somewhere for a real hamburger. I wish we could find a place that had Sangria wine coolers like Grin's, my favorite hamburger place in San Marcos.

Trying to finish reading Wicked before I have to take it back to the library tomorrow. I used to be such a fast reader, one book in two or three days. Now it takes me forever.

This morning I have been writing to Drudge Report to tell them about a spelling error in one of their articles. Yes, I admit it, I read Drudge Report. Don't agree on a lot of it; but, hey, that is where I found out about MJ's death last year. They update the page minute by minute. The non-political stories are usually the only ones I read.

I have also been turning in resumes this morning. Guess what? I have been writing to Montessori schools. Yep. We went to a party the other day and two of my ex-students were there. The ole teaching bug stung me. I am hoping the sting passes and no one replies to my resume, but teaching teenagers is nothing compared to teaching a small child the excitement of learning to read and multiply numbers. I really do miss it.

Thanks to Robin over at The Other Mother , I now know of two schools in the area that are gay friendly. My fear has always been if I am ever outed at a school, I would lose my job or create utter chaos for the school.

I only have four days to work this week. My boss is leaving town Wednesday. Wednesday and Thursday my other boss will only be there in the mornings, and I am hoping that he takes the day off on Friday. I have about 250 journal writing prompts I need to type onto labels for my writing students. Plus, I am hoping to get an interview with a head hunter some time this week.

Don't forget to pass my new blog, Around and Around to your friends who have OCD. I don't have any followers yet and am feeling a little, well, obsessed about it!

Chow