I made it through three days of camping with 33 kids. It was really a blast once I was told I could have brought caffeine (diet coke) with me. A lady drove me up to the conference center and I raided the vending machine.
While I can't tell you much about the trip for privacy reasons, I will tell you that I shot a bow and arrow for the first time and actually held a 6-ft black rat snake in my hand. Next year (if I am still working there), I plan to tackle the rock wall.
This Labor Day weekend has gone way too fast, but I have had some time with my baby so I am happy about that. I hope everyone out there is relaxing today, not working, although I am working on a lesson I must give on Wednesday and trying to coax the printer to print just one more page before having to replace an ink cartridge.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
My First and Last Trip to the Balcony
Last week (Tuesday or Wednesday) it was beginning to rain in Houston. Can you believe it? I went out on the balcony to see if I could salvage a pair of shoes I had thrown out there. Said shoes had dog poop on them from about six months ago when I took a friend's dog out for a walk. That is how long it has been since we have had a good rain, to my knowledge.This was the first time I had actually walked out onto the balcony, and it will be my last.
Not thinking, I closed the sliding glass door behind me, thinking it was the screen door. As soon as I closed it, I knew I had made a major mistake. Click, thud. The Charlie bar came down and locked me out, on the balcony, all alone. J was not coming home that night. Couldn't reach her. I was stuck. We face another apartment complex and a bank. There are never any people below, but I yelled over the edge for the hell of it, "Help!" No one was around. No one answered. I began to panic a bit. I threw one of said shoes down below to try to hit our downstairs' neighbor's window. Missed the window. I saw something in their window that said, "Texas A & M." I began yelling, "Hey, Texas A & M! Hey, Aggies!" No reply.
I called the apartment complex, even though it was nighttime and I knew they don't do lockouts. The lady answering the phone said, "We only do lockouts for elderly and disabled people." I said, "Does 49 and a half count?" I was trying to keep my sense of humor. She finally called someone from the other side of town and told me to be patient. She said he would drive out here, go to the office and get our key.
I waited for what seemed like eternity. I was tempted to surf Facebook or play solitaire on my phone, but my phone battery was low. We are on the second floor. Trust me, if there had not been an endless concrete wall below, I might have jumped while waiting. Later, I finally heard someone at our front door, trying over and over to open it with a key. He could not get in. "How stupid," I thought to myself. "He can't get in the apartment!" I had locked the deadbolt lock from inside. I was literally locked outside from the inside.
I heard the nice man, Mike, from down below the balcony, "Hello! I can't get in your front door. The dead bolt must be locked." When I asked him how he planned on getting me down, he said, "I think we should call the fire department." I yelled down at him, "Don't call the fire department! I'm already embarrassed enough!" What made it worse was that the apartment manager called me and laughed. She found the situation quite humorous.
I told Mike, "I have a metal chair up here. Shouldn't I just break a window?" He advised me not to, stating that it would add to the cost of my rescue. He said he would find a tall ladder, put it in the flower bed on the first floor and cut a small hole in our front bedroom window so that he could unlock it and go in that way. As luck would have it, the bedroom window was unlocked. It doesn't seem safe, but I was quite relieved. I'm pretty sure that a burglar with a long extension ladder would have been noticed if one had ever tried to break in.
Long story over, "Mike" got in an saved my life. I say that because if I had not had my cell phone with me, I would not have been found until morning when I hadn't shown up for work. If I had needed medication overnight or had a heart attack or anything serious, I would possibly be dead by the time someone had found me. Anyone wondering if a Charlie bar works or not, trust me, it does. And now I cannot even go near the balcony door. And I still do not find the situation humorous.
Not thinking, I closed the sliding glass door behind me, thinking it was the screen door. As soon as I closed it, I knew I had made a major mistake. Click, thud. The Charlie bar came down and locked me out, on the balcony, all alone. J was not coming home that night. Couldn't reach her. I was stuck. We face another apartment complex and a bank. There are never any people below, but I yelled over the edge for the hell of it, "Help!" No one was around. No one answered. I began to panic a bit. I threw one of said shoes down below to try to hit our downstairs' neighbor's window. Missed the window. I saw something in their window that said, "Texas A & M." I began yelling, "Hey, Texas A & M! Hey, Aggies!" No reply.
I called the apartment complex, even though it was nighttime and I knew they don't do lockouts. The lady answering the phone said, "We only do lockouts for elderly and disabled people." I said, "Does 49 and a half count?" I was trying to keep my sense of humor. She finally called someone from the other side of town and told me to be patient. She said he would drive out here, go to the office and get our key.
I waited for what seemed like eternity. I was tempted to surf Facebook or play solitaire on my phone, but my phone battery was low. We are on the second floor. Trust me, if there had not been an endless concrete wall below, I might have jumped while waiting. Later, I finally heard someone at our front door, trying over and over to open it with a key. He could not get in. "How stupid," I thought to myself. "He can't get in the apartment!" I had locked the deadbolt lock from inside. I was literally locked outside from the inside.
I heard the nice man, Mike, from down below the balcony, "Hello! I can't get in your front door. The dead bolt must be locked." When I asked him how he planned on getting me down, he said, "I think we should call the fire department." I yelled down at him, "Don't call the fire department! I'm already embarrassed enough!" What made it worse was that the apartment manager called me and laughed. She found the situation quite humorous.
I told Mike, "I have a metal chair up here. Shouldn't I just break a window?" He advised me not to, stating that it would add to the cost of my rescue. He said he would find a tall ladder, put it in the flower bed on the first floor and cut a small hole in our front bedroom window so that he could unlock it and go in that way. As luck would have it, the bedroom window was unlocked. It doesn't seem safe, but I was quite relieved. I'm pretty sure that a burglar with a long extension ladder would have been noticed if one had ever tried to break in.
Long story over, "Mike" got in an saved my life. I say that because if I had not had my cell phone with me, I would not have been found until morning when I hadn't shown up for work. If I had needed medication overnight or had a heart attack or anything serious, I would possibly be dead by the time someone had found me. Anyone wondering if a Charlie bar works or not, trust me, it does. And now I cannot even go near the balcony door. And I still do not find the situation humorous.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
The Countdown Begins...
3-2-1. School starts on Monday. Whoa, let me back up. In Montessori our parent/teacher conferences actually include the students so that they can be accountable for their learning and all three of us (parent/student/teacher) are on the same page. There are no surprises. There are no secrets. So I have enjoyed getting to know these great kids this week, along with their parents. I already know so much about each child - their interests, strengths/weaknesses, their goals - which totally excites me! Now, ask me at the end of next week and it may be a different story - and also at the end of Week 2 when we take them all camping for three days in this God awful heat.
Also, I have what they think may be a UTI. I am praying it is on its way out by Monday! Some of the responsibilities that I have been given are to check 4th and 5th grade homework every day; give spelling and handwriting lessons to 4th and 5th; make sure all grade levels know their multiplication and division tables (this includes giving them timed tests and follow-up work as needed); check 4th grade math classwork and some 5th and 6th grade language; to teach creative writing and poetry to all grades; to give 4th grade math lessons; to present a country in Africa (we received a Smart Board for a donation to give presentations on - too cool!); to mummify a chicken with the entire class after we visit the King Tut exhibit; and to be responsible for making sure that all 6th graders have their work done by Friday. I volunteered for quite a few of these responsibilities, which I am hoping will show initiative on my part.
It sounds like a lot, but I have a list taped to my teaching table to keep me on track.
On the homefront, J's mom is doing great after a knee replacement on Wednesday and is coming home today! I hate not seeing J much, but I am so happy for her mom! This surgery will change her life.
Today I am going to visit both gmas and also spend some time with K18, who is successfully on her way with Mary Kay. She turned in her first real order last night, which makes her an official MK beauty consultant. She also informed me that she is subbing for the real "Marian, the Librarian" during rehearsals for the Music Man, because the girl is ill. That role was made for K18. I could thump her in the head for not auditioning for that role.
I am still working contract for my old boss. My replacement is not working out and I am stressing over the fact that he is not happy with her work at all and with the thought of what will happen should he choose to let her go. I am already trying to do my job at the school and make up for what she isn't getting done. I thought I could handle the two positions, but my heart just isn't in it. I am ready to cut ties with him and put all of my energy and extra time into my class. I know that you will all agree with J and say that it isn't my problem, but I consider it my problem and I rarely let things go.
For any of you parents or teachers out there in cyberspace, I wish you/your students/your kids a great school year! You may not hear from me for awhile since I will be exhausted at the end of each day and have to get back into the groove of teaching!
Also, I have what they think may be a UTI. I am praying it is on its way out by Monday! Some of the responsibilities that I have been given are to check 4th and 5th grade homework every day; give spelling and handwriting lessons to 4th and 5th; make sure all grade levels know their multiplication and division tables (this includes giving them timed tests and follow-up work as needed); check 4th grade math classwork and some 5th and 6th grade language; to teach creative writing and poetry to all grades; to give 4th grade math lessons; to present a country in Africa (we received a Smart Board for a donation to give presentations on - too cool!); to mummify a chicken with the entire class after we visit the King Tut exhibit; and to be responsible for making sure that all 6th graders have their work done by Friday. I volunteered for quite a few of these responsibilities, which I am hoping will show initiative on my part.
It sounds like a lot, but I have a list taped to my teaching table to keep me on track.
On the homefront, J's mom is doing great after a knee replacement on Wednesday and is coming home today! I hate not seeing J much, but I am so happy for her mom! This surgery will change her life.
Today I am going to visit both gmas and also spend some time with K18, who is successfully on her way with Mary Kay. She turned in her first real order last night, which makes her an official MK beauty consultant. She also informed me that she is subbing for the real "Marian, the Librarian" during rehearsals for the Music Man, because the girl is ill. That role was made for K18. I could thump her in the head for not auditioning for that role.
I am still working contract for my old boss. My replacement is not working out and I am stressing over the fact that he is not happy with her work at all and with the thought of what will happen should he choose to let her go. I am already trying to do my job at the school and make up for what she isn't getting done. I thought I could handle the two positions, but my heart just isn't in it. I am ready to cut ties with him and put all of my energy and extra time into my class. I know that you will all agree with J and say that it isn't my problem, but I consider it my problem and I rarely let things go.
For any of you parents or teachers out there in cyberspace, I wish you/your students/your kids a great school year! You may not hear from me for awhile since I will be exhausted at the end of each day and have to get back into the groove of teaching!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
"K" is for my last name
My last name starts with a "K." I have such mixed feelings about this.
There are positives:
1) My last name is easy to spell. It is a male's name; everyone knows how to spell it. My maiden name was butchered more ways than you can imagine.
2) It is the last name of my children. I hesitate to change it for that very reason. I want a connection with my girls.
For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to share J's last name. She said that her dad might have been okay with me having it, and I plan to change it to hers when my children are married and take on their husbands' surnames. When this will happen, I have no idea. I find myself extremely impatient for that.
"K" is my current identity. Hopefully, I can change it in a few years. It is like a monkey on my back. I just don't think I will be able to wait much longer. When I change my surname to "B", I think my coming out will be complete and I will see us as completely married.
Which brings me to my next issue: I don't think that marriage will be legal for us in our lifetime (Texas), so I hope in the near future that we will just bite the bullet and just do the whole name change thing. It may not seem important to most people, but to me it will be the final push. Taking J's surname means the world to me. Now that I am known by my first name at the school I am teaching at, even though I don't think it is respectful, the kids are not going to notice the change in my surname. I could lie and say it is my maiden name. My kids will only know if they see my driver's license. Is it worth the risk of my daughters feeling upset? Their father and I are divorced. Would it be any more difference than if I went back to my maiden name?
For those of you who have not been following our blog, the school I am teaching at is gay friendly. In our faculty directory, under each teacher's name, there is a place that reads "spouse/partner." Today I noticed that only one teacher out of about 30 has a partner listed. I want to be the second. This teacher is in the hospital with cancer right now, and the entire faculty is supporting her. It just doesn't seem to matter at all. Today everyone was sending cards, flowers and fruit baskets to the hospital. She is truly missed and appreciated. Our teacher handbook reads that no teacher shall be discrimintated against regardless of gender or sexual orientation. How many of you have changed your surname to that of your partner? Does it matter to you? It matters to me. I want to be connected to J in that way, forever. Comments here are greatly appreciated.
There are positives:
1) My last name is easy to spell. It is a male's name; everyone knows how to spell it. My maiden name was butchered more ways than you can imagine.
2) It is the last name of my children. I hesitate to change it for that very reason. I want a connection with my girls.
For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to share J's last name. She said that her dad might have been okay with me having it, and I plan to change it to hers when my children are married and take on their husbands' surnames. When this will happen, I have no idea. I find myself extremely impatient for that.
"K" is my current identity. Hopefully, I can change it in a few years. It is like a monkey on my back. I just don't think I will be able to wait much longer. When I change my surname to "B", I think my coming out will be complete and I will see us as completely married.
Which brings me to my next issue: I don't think that marriage will be legal for us in our lifetime (Texas), so I hope in the near future that we will just bite the bullet and just do the whole name change thing. It may not seem important to most people, but to me it will be the final push. Taking J's surname means the world to me. Now that I am known by my first name at the school I am teaching at, even though I don't think it is respectful, the kids are not going to notice the change in my surname. I could lie and say it is my maiden name. My kids will only know if they see my driver's license. Is it worth the risk of my daughters feeling upset? Their father and I are divorced. Would it be any more difference than if I went back to my maiden name?
For those of you who have not been following our blog, the school I am teaching at is gay friendly. In our faculty directory, under each teacher's name, there is a place that reads "spouse/partner." Today I noticed that only one teacher out of about 30 has a partner listed. I want to be the second. This teacher is in the hospital with cancer right now, and the entire faculty is supporting her. It just doesn't seem to matter at all. Today everyone was sending cards, flowers and fruit baskets to the hospital. She is truly missed and appreciated. Our teacher handbook reads that no teacher shall be discrimintated against regardless of gender or sexual orientation. How many of you have changed your surname to that of your partner? Does it matter to you? It matters to me. I want to be connected to J in that way, forever. Comments here are greatly appreciated.
J is for "Joy"
J, I know you think I am going to say your name for "J." Ha ha. That would be too obvious. I have been struggling for the "J" word for about a month. I chose "joy" because you exhibit it in all that you do. You bring such joy to me and to others in your life. I have been told by others that your smile lights up a room. I couldn't say it any better than that.
When you smile, you do light up the room. Everyone seems comfortable with you. You never seem to meet a stranger. Even my youngest daughter, after struggling to meet you for almost three years, has noticed it, although she will never admit it. How can she help but like you? If everyone could know you, they would see what I and others see. You always seem happy, even when you aren't exactly happy. You don't wear your heart on your sleeve. I wish that I could be that way.
When we were in high school and college, I remember how you would make everyone feel comfortable around you. You are still that way. You are very approachable. You can be hard to get to know because, in your own way, you are shy. Your intelligence is sometimes intimidating, even to me at times. But you make everything seem so simple. For example, if you are approached with a problem, you appear not to panic and you just address it, head on. I love you for that. You don't analyze everything into the ground as I do.
You exhibit joy in everything you do. Joy for being alive. Joy for getting the job done well. Joy in taking on responsibilities, even when they are a burden and are not your responsibilities. You never let that "burden" show. I watch and try to learn from you.
I love you, J. Thanks for being someone whom I admire and strive to be like! Love, B
When you smile, you do light up the room. Everyone seems comfortable with you. You never seem to meet a stranger. Even my youngest daughter, after struggling to meet you for almost three years, has noticed it, although she will never admit it. How can she help but like you? If everyone could know you, they would see what I and others see. You always seem happy, even when you aren't exactly happy. You don't wear your heart on your sleeve. I wish that I could be that way.
When we were in high school and college, I remember how you would make everyone feel comfortable around you. You are still that way. You are very approachable. You can be hard to get to know because, in your own way, you are shy. Your intelligence is sometimes intimidating, even to me at times. But you make everything seem so simple. For example, if you are approached with a problem, you appear not to panic and you just address it, head on. I love you for that. You don't analyze everything into the ground as I do.
You exhibit joy in everything you do. Joy for being alive. Joy for getting the job done well. Joy in taking on responsibilities, even when they are a burden and are not your responsibilities. You never let that "burden" show. I watch and try to learn from you.
I love you, J. Thanks for being someone whom I admire and strive to be like! Love, B
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
K18 Update
K18 came over on Sunday; K21 chose to stay home and be bored (Her Facebook post reflected this boredom.). Oh, well, her choice. J and I took K18 out to dinner at Spaghetti Western, and she got to ride in the back seat of J's new Mustang. The two of them talked a lot at dinner. I was beaming inside the whole time.
We bought K18 a Mary Kay starter kit. She starts on August 15th. I am excited for her and hope she can make a little extra cash for school. She accepted a marketing internship and has to help raise $100,000 by December for a theater group. She already has a job at the college bookstore. I am just afraid she is spreading herself too thin.
I am now officially on the payroll of the school and start back August 8th. We have 35 kids, 2 teachers and one assistant. That is all I will say to keep my (and the students') privacy. You may hear me reference students' comments from time to time, but no names will ever be mentioned here.
I am at the lake for the next couple of days, spending time with my parents and two grandmothers. One grandmother is jealous of the other, so it has been quite interesting so far trying to divide my time.
Did the first day of Couch24k this morning at 8:00 a.m. It was already close to 100 degrees when I returned to the house. I am going to continue bugging the office about getting a new treadmill. No one should have to walk/jog in this heat. It's outrageous.
J, if you are reading this, I miss you so much, and can't wait to see you on Thursday when I return.
We bought K18 a Mary Kay starter kit. She starts on August 15th. I am excited for her and hope she can make a little extra cash for school. She accepted a marketing internship and has to help raise $100,000 by December for a theater group. She already has a job at the college bookstore. I am just afraid she is spreading herself too thin.
I am now officially on the payroll of the school and start back August 8th. We have 35 kids, 2 teachers and one assistant. That is all I will say to keep my (and the students') privacy. You may hear me reference students' comments from time to time, but no names will ever be mentioned here.
I am at the lake for the next couple of days, spending time with my parents and two grandmothers. One grandmother is jealous of the other, so it has been quite interesting so far trying to divide my time.
Did the first day of Couch24k this morning at 8:00 a.m. It was already close to 100 degrees when I returned to the house. I am going to continue bugging the office about getting a new treadmill. No one should have to walk/jog in this heat. It's outrageous.
J, if you are reading this, I miss you so much, and can't wait to see you on Thursday when I return.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
I Am Having a Wonderful Day!
1) Yesterday ended the last full week of my job. I am going in all day Monday and then working part-time from home for awhile in addition to my new job. That will give us some extra cash flow until J can go back to work. She is taking a break until her mom has her surgery.
2) K18 called me this morning and said she had some happy news from last night and was just dying to tell someone (me). She chose me to tell the news to first. I was thrilled!
3) K18 invited herself over to give Mary Kay facials to our friends. She has never wanted to meet J, much less any of our friends.
4) K18 asked me if I wanted to get together with her tomorrow and suggested she come out here (about an hour's drive) and hang with me at our condo. I told her J might come home in the p.m. and she said, "That's okay. It doesn't matter to me." Now we will have to see if she brings K21 with her.
If you saw my earlier post about K18 meeting J for the first time, you will understand how happy I am! It seems like everything is rolling in the right direction for us where she is concerned.
Also, last week I took J to her mom's and lightning didn't strike me dead when I went inside her house and stayed for 3 minutes. Maybe next time I will stay for 10.
I start my new job at the school August 8th; the kids start August 22nd. Not excited yet. It hasn't hit me yet because I have so much to do to get ready. I hope all of you are having a wonderful day!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Alphabet Meme Via Come What May
A. Age
49 and holding
B Bed Size
Queen
C. Chore you hate.
Ironing is about the most boring chore I can think of.
D. Dogs.
None.
E. Essential start of day.
Diet Coke or Diet Dr. Pepper
F. Favorite color.
Purple
G. Gold or silver.
I prefer gold but it is too expensive. Our wedding bands are gold, though.
H. Height.
5’9” but my driver’s license once read 5’10”. Wonder if I shrunk.
I. Instruments played.
Flute, guitar, and I used to play the organ with my dad. Wrote a song on the piano once when I was 15. I still remember how to play it.
J. Job title.
Currently office manager, but in less than two weeks I will be a teacher again!
K. Kids.
Two daughters ages 21 and as of today, 18. I was actually in full-blown labor at this time 18 yrs ago. Spent the first half of the day in the bathroom by myself, hiding from my nurse who wanted me hooked up to a fetal monitor on my left side. Not the greatest birth story.
L. Live.In Houston, and I hate it. But I will live anywhere for love.
M Mom's name.
Carolyn
N Nickname.
If I have one, I don’t know about it.
O. Overnight Hospital Stays.
Three times – each birth and once for food poisoning which induced early labor.
P. Pet Peeve
People with no basic manners like "please" and "thank you."
Q. Quote from a movie
“She is my match in every way.” Who can guess the movie?
R. Right or left handed?
Right, but I can write pretty well with my left hand.
S. Siblings.
One brother who is six years younger than I am and is going to be a father for the first time in December.
T. Time you wake up.
Literally, 6:30 a.m., but I don’t consider myself fully awake until around 11:00 a.m.
U. Underwear.
Always
V. Vegetable you dislike.
It would be easier to list the ones I do like: potatoes, asparagus, brocolli, cauliflower (The last three MUST have a sauce of some sort on them.)
W. What makes you run late.
I seldom run late and I find tardiness to be extremely rude. I don’t mind being fashionably late, though.
X. X rays you have had done.
Six plus fingers, arm, elbow, hip
Y. Yummy food you make.
Chocolate chip cheeseball. If allowed, I would eat the entire thing with graham crackers.
Z. Zoo animal.
I could watch the sea lions swim back and forth all day.
49 and holding
B Bed Size
Queen
C. Chore you hate.
Ironing is about the most boring chore I can think of.
D. Dogs.
None.
E. Essential start of day.
Diet Coke or Diet Dr. Pepper
F. Favorite color.
Purple
G. Gold or silver.
I prefer gold but it is too expensive. Our wedding bands are gold, though.
H. Height.
5’9” but my driver’s license once read 5’10”. Wonder if I shrunk.
I. Instruments played.
Flute, guitar, and I used to play the organ with my dad. Wrote a song on the piano once when I was 15. I still remember how to play it.
J. Job title.
Currently office manager, but in less than two weeks I will be a teacher again!
K. Kids.
Two daughters ages 21 and as of today, 18. I was actually in full-blown labor at this time 18 yrs ago. Spent the first half of the day in the bathroom by myself, hiding from my nurse who wanted me hooked up to a fetal monitor on my left side. Not the greatest birth story.
L. Live.In Houston, and I hate it. But I will live anywhere for love.
M Mom's name.
Carolyn
N Nickname.
If I have one, I don’t know about it.
O. Overnight Hospital Stays.
Three times – each birth and once for food poisoning which induced early labor.
P. Pet Peeve
People with no basic manners like "please" and "thank you."
Q. Quote from a movie
“She is my match in every way.” Who can guess the movie?
R. Right or left handed?
Right, but I can write pretty well with my left hand.
S. Siblings.
One brother who is six years younger than I am and is going to be a father for the first time in December.
T. Time you wake up.
Literally, 6:30 a.m., but I don’t consider myself fully awake until around 11:00 a.m.
U. Underwear.
Always
V. Vegetable you dislike.
It would be easier to list the ones I do like: potatoes, asparagus, brocolli, cauliflower (The last three MUST have a sauce of some sort on them.)
W. What makes you run late.
I seldom run late and I find tardiness to be extremely rude. I don’t mind being fashionably late, though.
X. X rays you have had done.
Six plus fingers, arm, elbow, hip
Y. Yummy food you make.
Chocolate chip cheeseball. If allowed, I would eat the entire thing with graham crackers.
Z. Zoo animal.
I could watch the sea lions swim back and forth all day.
Monday, July 18, 2011
ILY
I was never much into troll dolls growing up, but in high school, I found a used one with blue hair. Can't remember where I found "him", maybe at a garage sale or something. He had been badly worn and was holding what was left of a sign of some sort. He was so ugly, he was cute. I wrote on the sign in black marker "ILY," and that became his name. I gave him to you and you even brought him to college with you. Oh, the little things you remember. Wish I knew whatever happened to Ily. I have looked all over the internet trying to find him to no avail. The above photo is as close as I could get and it was pretty darn close! Always, remember, J, ILY!
Walking on Air
I am walking and dancing on air this morning. I have exactly ten days left on this job! And the best thing of all? My youngest met J last night for the first time and it went well! I have to commend both J and K17 for their bravery. I know they were BOTH extremely uncomfortable. J gave K17 several chances to leave our apartment before she came home, i.e. an hour warning, a 20-minute warning, and a 5-minute warning. LOL I kept expecting K17 to leave, especially when she teared up during the hour warning. But she stayed!
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Postponed
Well, this weekend's plans have been postponed. J is not going to get to meet my grandma after all. When calling her to let her know what time I would pick her up on Saturday, my mother informed me that she had just hung up from my brother who has invited the whole family to his house Saturday for dinner. I'm trying not to be a wuss about it.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Today's Post From Around and Around
This post is doing double duty today.
I had a nightmare last night, one like I have not had in years. Maybe it's the medicine I'm taking, but I'm pretty sure it was a result of having watched part of the interview last night with Jaycee Dugard. When asked why she had never tried to run away, Jaycee replied with a simple "I don't know."
I didn't realize how much it troubled me until I woke up in the night from cold sweats. Jaycee suffers from what is called "Stockholm Syndrome." An emotional attachment to her captor. Look it up. It's real. While I don't have Stockholm Syndrome, I can very much relate to Jaycee because I had much love for the person who hurt me growing up. While I have many things to hate him for (my OCD, I believe, included), I still have a small percentage of disguised love sunken at the very bottom of my heart.
Bad memories are just like OCD - you push them away so deep inside that you forget they're there and then one day - poof! - they appear from nowhere. And I will attack them the way I have been taught to treat my OCD, by letting the feelings wash over me and go with them. And then they will vanish.
REALLY?
Peace,
~b~
I had a nightmare last night, one like I have not had in years. Maybe it's the medicine I'm taking, but I'm pretty sure it was a result of having watched part of the interview last night with Jaycee Dugard. When asked why she had never tried to run away, Jaycee replied with a simple "I don't know."
I didn't realize how much it troubled me until I woke up in the night from cold sweats. Jaycee suffers from what is called "Stockholm Syndrome." An emotional attachment to her captor. Look it up. It's real. While I don't have Stockholm Syndrome, I can very much relate to Jaycee because I had much love for the person who hurt me growing up. While I have many things to hate him for (my OCD, I believe, included), I still have a small percentage of disguised love sunken at the very bottom of my heart.
Bad memories are just like OCD - you push them away so deep inside that you forget they're there and then one day - poof! - they appear from nowhere. And I will attack them the way I have been taught to treat my OCD, by letting the feelings wash over me and go with them. And then they will vanish.
REALLY?
Peace,
~b~
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Time for an Update
We have both been sick here for awhile. I was supposed to play softball today with the lesbian softball team but I am trying to get over this bronchitis. I have three more weeks at my job and then a few days off before I start at the school. I have lots of anxiety about both, but I know things will be fine once I actually start. I have a lot of studying to do before I start, which I keep putting off.
My replacement came from four choices: 1) a flight attendant who wants to change careers; 2) someone convicted of a felony, currently on appeal; 3) a recent college graduate who has no idea what she wants to do with her life; or 4) a woman who just got laid off who found the description of my position to be "overwhelming." Why should I care? Well, I have to train my replacement, so it matters to me. (He went with the flight attendant).
My girls and I are talking and I may see my youngest next weekend. Also, my grandma from Florida has officially moved here so I have both 90+ year old grandmas within an hour's distance from me. We may go get both of them next week and bring them here for dinner and to visit our apartment. Wish us luck!
My replacement came from four choices: 1) a flight attendant who wants to change careers; 2) someone convicted of a felony, currently on appeal; 3) a recent college graduate who has no idea what she wants to do with her life; or 4) a woman who just got laid off who found the description of my position to be "overwhelming." Why should I care? Well, I have to train my replacement, so it matters to me. (He went with the flight attendant).
My girls and I are talking and I may see my youngest next weekend. Also, my grandma from Florida has officially moved here so I have both 90+ year old grandmas within an hour's distance from me. We may go get both of them next week and bring them here for dinner and to visit our apartment. Wish us luck!
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Some Things You Never Forget
Some things you never forget. Do you remember the first time you ever sent or received a text message? I do. It was about five years ago. I was in a restaurant with my family and I texted to my brother, "This is my first text message." How original. He replied, "Isn't it cool?"
What about your first phone call? Do you remember that? I don't specifically remember the first call but I remember when I was about three years old. In the hallway of our house we had a phone "shelf" that held an old rotary phone, black and ugly. There wasn't a chair to sit in. I have memories of standing in that hallway in my footie pajamas with the phone up to my ear, not sure which way to hold the receiver. I remember hearing my grandpa on the other end saying, "Hello. Hello." and my parents saying, "Say something to your grandpa." A few years later, I actually understood what a phone was for. I would talk to "Santa" on the other end and tell him everything I wanted for Christmas.
I can't imagine now having to tie myself down to one room, not being able to carry a cordless phone around. Heck, I can't even imagine going anywhere in the world without my cell phone.
What's your first memory of the telephone?
Doris, your the one who inspired this post when you were posting about the size of old cordless phones. LOL
Saturday, June 18, 2011
"H" is for Helper
You give the expression "She'd give the shirt off her back" new meaning to me. In high school and college you offered help to me in so many ways it was unreal., never thinking once of yourself or how you could be effected by the consequences. I guess I just thought it was because you were so in love with me. You gave without ever thinking about it. And because I was so self-centered at that time in my life, I never really noticed how you helped other people.
But since getting back together with you in 2008, I see just how much you offer to and help other people, and that makes me love you even more. You rarely miss a birthday card to anyone. You help your mother so much, not out of obligation for being the oldest child, but because you truly love your mother and would never turn her down for anything. You even help those who have thought bad about you and I and have hurt your feelings tremendously. You have helped friend after friend, sometimes getting burned, but STILL looking at the possiblity of letting it go and rekindling those friendships. You give monetarily to charities and church, even when we are counting dollars towards the next paycheck. Around the house you do triple of your share, to the point of me sometimes taking advantage of you; and for that I am truly sorry.
Sometimes you tell me you are selfish, but I see you as the least selfish person I have ever known. I love you, J. Now you just need to do one more thing. Let others help you. :o)
But since getting back together with you in 2008, I see just how much you offer to and help other people, and that makes me love you even more. You rarely miss a birthday card to anyone. You help your mother so much, not out of obligation for being the oldest child, but because you truly love your mother and would never turn her down for anything. You even help those who have thought bad about you and I and have hurt your feelings tremendously. You have helped friend after friend, sometimes getting burned, but STILL looking at the possiblity of letting it go and rekindling those friendships. You give monetarily to charities and church, even when we are counting dollars towards the next paycheck. Around the house you do triple of your share, to the point of me sometimes taking advantage of you; and for that I am truly sorry.
Sometimes you tell me you are selfish, but I see you as the least selfish person I have ever known. I love you, J. Now you just need to do one more thing. Let others help you. :o)
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Yay!
Just a quick note to say that I was offered a teaching position and that J was also offered a position. I am putting my notice in next week. Since none of my local friends read this blog, I guess it will be okay to post the news here. If you are on my FB, please don't say anything until I make the announcement. Hopefully, things will be a lot less stressful around here. Thanks to all of you who have prayed or sent good thoughts my way for the past 1 1/2 years. God truly sent me the position of my dreams, I really do believe. And thanks to "The Other Mother" who made this school known to me. I can't thank you enough!
~b~
~b~
Friday, May 27, 2011
"G" is for Girlfriend
After spending just one summer with you, I became your girlfriend. We never said it outloud, but that's the way it was.
You have ALWAYS opened the door for me. (Now you open the door for all women, but I like to think that that gesture started because of me. )
During high school band practice in the early mornings, you would give me your jacket to wear. Sometimes I felt bad that you had to freeze and there I was so warm and comfortable in your jacket.
I was constantly looking over at you in the band room and at football games, hoping you were looking my way. You usually were.
My heart would skip a beat before opening my locker, hoping there would be a note from you.
I knew it wasn't "proper" and I wasn't even sure if you wanted to, but I remember wishing you would buy me a mum for the homecoming game.
On the way home, you would drive me all over my neighborhood stopping at each stop sign for a kiss.
We never wanted to be apart. We couldn't get enough of each other.
I still can't get enough of you, J, and I'll always be your girlfriend - if you want me to.
Monday, May 23, 2011
"F" is for Friend
We started out in high school as friends. It didn't take long for us to figure out that we would never, ever be just friends, but it is my favorite part of our relationship. No matter what we have been through over the past 32 + years, I knew that no matter how we had left it, I could have called you from anywhere at any time and you would have come in a heartbeat. That's just the way it has always been.
You are the most loyal friend I have ever known, to me and to others. You pick your friends carefully and wisely. I am so honored that you picked me and that our friendship grew into true love.
You are the best wife I could ever ask for, but more than anything, you will always be my best friend. I love you, J.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
More Ups Than Downs!
There are so many things to report, I don't know where to start.
UP - K17 graduated from high school yesterday and she has some college credits under her belt.
DOWN - My ex's sister and her living-in-sin boyfriend came down from Arkansas as a surprise. I was a nervous wreck seeing her for the first time since the split. We used to be really close.
UP - She and I talked a bit and it wasn't so bad after all. She always got along with everyone in my family and I think she was actually enjoying herself until the next thing happened.
MAJOR DOWN - The twelve of us were eating at Carraba's when my maternal grandmother had an episode. My mom who is a nurse and another customer in the restaurant couldn't find a pulse. Grandma looked like she was gone. Her eyes were open and she wasn't responding to anything. 911 was called.
UP - She finally came to after the paramedics arrived.
MAJOR UP - K17 freaked out when it happened. Instead of grabbing her dad sitting at her left, she turned to me and literally fell into my arms. I held her and told her not to look. She wanted me to hold and console her. She chose me! Me! In the midst of a nightmare, I was smiling inside. The rapture was supposed to have happened 15 minutes before, but she told me this was "worse than the end of the world." She told me to take her outside and she just kept holding on to me, sobbing.
DOWN - As soon as we got outside on the porch of the restaurant, she started frantically dialing her phone saying, "Pick up! Pick up!" I asked, "Who are you calling?" I should have known. She was calling her other "mom." She said, "I need her to pray!" Thankfully, the lady didn't pick up the phone, so I held K17 and prayed for my grandma.
UP - The paramedics arrived very quickly. Grandma was taken to the hospital and is stable. She may get out today or tomorrow.
UP - I apologized to K17. I told her I'm sorry that my prayer wasn't that great; I was just upset. I knew her "mom" would have said a fabulous prayer. She said, "It's totally fine. You can never go wrong with a prayer, Mommy. You were there for me and that's what matters." :o)
UP - My ex's sister thought enough to get my purse out of the restaurant and bring it to me. A friendly gesture I wasn't expecting.
MAJOR UP - I was offered a job!!! A few things have to happen in order for it to be a reality, so more about that later.
And one more UP - My girls want to go to Galveston with me on June 3rd.
Final double header today. Hoping I don't fall again. May start with a new league in June.
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