Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Thoughts and a Prayer

Today at work I was bending over to pick something up off the floor (okay, it was a Reese's wrapper, I admit it). I spotted something shiny on the floor wedged between my computer tower and my desk. I picked it up and found that it was my left earring. I NEVER look under my desk, never! How was it that I just happened to look down there and find that earring? So many things in my life have happened like that. For instance, why did I go pick up J and take her to Whataburger when I was 17? I hardly even knew her. I could have picked up any of my current friends; but, no, I picked J. Out of thousands of people at the Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion at a concert in July of 1993, how was it that J happened to be standing near me in a line for margaritas?

I don't like to say that I am lucky to have J; I like to say that I am blessed. I never believed in luck, except for when playing a game or gambling. But does it mean that I was unblessed when I was without her for 23 years? A woman in Houston lost her house in a fire the other day, but said that God blessed her and her 3-yr-old grandson alerted her to the smoke and saved her life. Did God unbless her by her losing her house? People in car wrecks are always saying how "blessed" they are when they survive. What about the other people who didn't survive? Were they unblessed?

I had a friend who used to pray about EVERYTHING! She would always pray when we went anywhere in the car, even down to Sonic for lunch. She would pray that God would help her find her misplaced keys, or that her mower would start. I told her we shouldn't pray for such little things. She said God cares about every little thing we do and that we should pray. Well, God is my father in Heaven. I didn't need to know about every little boo boo my kids had or every time they lost a sock, or whatever. I try not to bother God about the "little" things. But there is one thing that I think is really big for 2010 that I want to ask God for. God, PLEASE heal our family relationships! PLEASE! J and I are trying so hard to do our part. A nudge to our family members from you in just the right direction would be such a blessing to us. Thank you. Amen.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

New Year's Eve

Well, we had to cancel the hotel reservations because J came down with a major sinus infection. She went to the doctor today. I hope she gets better soon. I hate to think of her sick over the holidays. What a drag for her.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Christmas Photos of My Girls

I love this girls so much. Why can't they see that? They are so beautiful. They are being so standoffish with me. Will they ever forgive me and move on? I wonder. I pray. Pray for the day when they will accept me for who I am and see that I didn't want to live a lie anymore. Would they rather I had stayed and continued my charade and possibly killed myself in the process? I know they feel that I deceived their dad when I married him and that I didn't love him at all. I loved him, but like a brother. It was never a romantic love; so, yes, I was deceitful. I was hoping my love would change with time, but it didn't. I was hoping that being married and being in a fundamental church would "cure" me, but it didn't. Now I know the truth. I didn't need a cure because there was never anything wrong with me in the first place.

Christmas 2009

I am sitting here in my new leopard print Snuggie that my sister-in-law gave me for Christmas. Nice.

Here's a photo of our church decorated for Christmas. It looks like there's no one there. The photo was taken 30 minutes prior to the service when there were very few people there. It's the first time I have been to Christmas Eve service in at least 10 years. I had missed it so much. The pipe organ was lovely, and there was a flautist who played several carols along with the organ.

Our pastor was in ICU that night, so it was kind of sad. I started crying during Silent Night when they lit the candles, partly because I was so happy to be with J with her arm around me, and partly because I missed my kids.

After the service, J took me around looking at Christmas lights. We drove around the River Oaks Country Club and through Tanglewood. It was beautiful!

On Christmas morning I fixed her breakfast and we opened our stockings. Then we went our separate ways. :o( She to her mother's, me to my mom's and dad's. My family was friendly enough to me, but the girls always act so guarded when they are around me and my ex together. They never thanked me for any of their stocking stuffers or really for their gifts, either. At least I got a gift from them this year, a photo of them. I will post it in a bit.

Got home around 7:00 p.m., and J and I opened our gifts. She was way too generous with me this year: I got a Lampberge, a cutlery set, and a Bluetooth. Also, I got lots of candy and a Barnes and Noble gift card and a Catherine's gift card.

From me, J got: Two DS games, a jupiter jack, a Texas Longhorn necklace, a DVD, a bookmark, some insoles for her shoes, and some strawberry gummies.

J went out of town the day after Christmas, so I stayed home and cleaned the apartment, putting a lot of the gifts away. Guess we'll take the tree down after New Year's.

J's sister came over last night to exchange gifts with me. We went to Chacho's for margaritas and Mexican food. So good to have some family over.

For New Year's Eve, J is taking me to a hotel downtown, but she won't tell me which one or which restaurant we have reservations for. I CAN'T WAIT!!!

Two more days and I will have another 4 day weekend!

Well, if I don't check in beforehand, see you in 2010! I hope it's everyone's best year yet!

Friday, December 11, 2009

Love By Pilot Light

A week ago, December 4th, it SNOWED in Houston! Yeah, baby. So J got off work early and called the apartments to come light our fireplace. That is what we were told we had to do when we wanted a fire.
However, since it was snowing, the office closed early and she had to leave a message. I couldn't wait to get home to my love and snuggle in front of a romantic fire. When I got home, there sat J, with no fire, still in her work clothes waiting for someone to come light it.
Fast forward to Monday evening. It's around 60 degrees outside. The fireplace lighting call has all but been forgotten. I come home. After awhile, I walk past the fireplace and hear a hissing sound. And I see this:
I called J and she said to call the apartments; however, it was past office hours so I had to call the "emergency number." It was answered by an answering service operator.
"What is your emergency, ma'am?" she asked. "Well, Friday we asked for someone to light our fireplace, but no one came. Someone came into our apartment today when we weren't home and lit it." Then I lit into her. "And it's not even a fire! It's just a stupid little flame like a candle! I can't even see it unless I walked over to the fireplace and look in between the logs!" I was upset. "AND we don't know how to turn the thing off. No one ever told us how!" The fire was supposed to look like this:
Now, see, I'm from the old school, where we chopped our own wood for a fire. I have even chopped down trees to chop the wood for a fire. I have never had a gas fireplace.
Anyway, the office manager came to our door and told us that the "flame" was a pilot light which would stay lit all winter, and showed us the button to push - Presto! An actual fire! Push the button again - Presto! A pilot light.
What an idiot I am! But tonight we will enjoy our romantic fire together with no pilot light.

Friday, December 4, 2009


We may get snow here in Houston today! If so, it will be the second year in a row!

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Tuesday's Loooong Meme

1. Who was the last person you kissed? J
2. Do you think you could forgive someone for cheating on you? No.
3. How long have you been in your current relationship? A year and a half
4. Do you still talk to the person who hurt you the most in life? No.
5. Who's the last person you sent a friend request to? I guess this means Facebook??? A girl from high school
6. Do you trust people easily? No.
7. Do you currently have a lot of drama in your life? No, not compared to last year.
8. Who's the last person you kissed on the cheek? My grandmother
9. Is anyone in your family a criminal? Yes, but he's dead.
10. Do you think you're attractive? Absolutely not!
11. Are you currently stressed out about anything? Always
12. Do you know anyone that's a stripper? No
13. Who's the most sarcastice person you know? J
14. Who was the last person you told to shut up. J, but in a joking sort of way. I don't like that expression.
15. What do you miss the most right now? J
16. What was the last thing you lied to your mother about? Drinking
17. Do you believe in giving second chances? Yes
18. Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? Yes.
19. Is anyone angry with you at the moment? Yes, my daughters.
20. What's the last song you heard? I Dreamed a Dream by Susan Boyle
21. Can you quote a song lyric from it? I Dreamed a Dream, ha ha.
22. Name a song that reminds you of a past relationship. Ding Dong the Witch is Dead
23. Is there anyone in this world you would do absolutely anything for? Yes, family and friends.
24. Do you still talk to any of your ex's? Yes.
25. Do you like the color of your eyes. Yes.
26. Who's the last person that sent you a message on myspace? No one sends me messages there.
27. How are you feeling right now? Freezing
28. Do you think anyone hates you? Yes
29. What do you think your last ex would say about you? I broke his heart and dreams.
30. When you say you love someone, do you mean it? Yes, but there are many different types of love.
31. Do you still talk to the first person you fell in love with? Every day!
32. What's one thing you recently learned? Where a Sonic is around here!
33. Are you going to have a baby by the time you're 18? That time has come and gone, and, no, I was 28.
34. Do you avoid certain people at school or work? No, not able to avoid anyone.
35. Does anyone like you right now that you know of? I hope so.
36. Would you ever fake your own death? No
37. Do you know anyone that was molested as a child? Yes
38. Have you ever kissed anyone that was the same sex as you? All the time!
39. Do you still want the last person that hurt you to have a happy life? Yes
41. Why did your last relationship end? Divorce, but it ended way before that.
42. What would make your life complete right now? If my kids and family would accept J.
43. Do people compliment you often? No.
44. What's one thing you like about the person you're thinking of right now? How beautiful she is
45. Are you talking to anyone right now? No
46. Do you have any friends that are pregnant? No
47. Are you in love with someone right now? J. This is getting redundant
48. What's the last thing you stole? Candy from an ice cream parlor.
49. What's a curse word you use often? Shit
50. Is a broken heart as bad as it sounds? Yes
51. Would you ever get plastic surgery? Yes
52. Have you ever ran away from home? Yes, and shouldn't that be "run"?
53. Do you know anyone that's ever been raped? Yes
54. Would you ever kill someone? Yes
55. Do you ever feel lonely? Yes
56. How long did it take you to get over your last heartbreak? 10 years
57. Have a lot of people betrayed you? No
58. Do you believe in God? Yes
59. Are you good at hiding your feelings? No
60. Do you tend to wear your heart out on your sleeve? Yes
61. How may unread messages are in your e-mail box? 2
62. Do you know anyone that looks up to you? Not anymore
63. Which one of your friends is always serious? None
64. Are there any people in your life that you wish you had never met? Yes
65. If you could get any tattoo, what would you get? J's name
66. Are you happy with the person you are? No, but I'm getting there.
67. Do people think you're a bad person? Yes
68. Do they also think that you're a slut? No, I hope not.
69. Are you with the last person you kissed? Yes, now I am. She just came in the door!
70. Have you ever wanted to just run away and start over? All the time
71. Have you ever been punched? ????
72. How many people do you know that have been in jail? One
73. Have you ever given out your cell number and then later regretted it? YES!
74. Was your last kiss a mistake? No
75. Are you a tease? Yes
76. Do you love your best friend? Yes
77. Do you find the opposite sex confusing? Yes
78. Do you usually end up losing in the game of love? I didn't this time!
79. What's one stereotype you think you fit perfectly into? Dumb blonde
80. Do you know anyone that sells drugs? No
81. Do you know anyone that does drugs? No
82. Do you care about what's happening in other countries? Yes
83. Do you get annoyed easily? Yes
84. Do you consider yourself high maintenance? No
85. Do you think you have a pretty good reputation? No.
86. Would you ever intentionally and physically hurt someone? If someone I knew was in danger, yes.
87. Would you rather date someone who sold drugs or used drugs? Neither

Man, that was long. Guess I have too much time on my hands. LOL J is home now! It's cold and raining outside, a perfect night to snuggle! It may rain here in Houston on Friday! Have a good night!