Well, in order to review, I must go back to Thanksgiving and Christmas of '08 to get the full effect. I left the ex and the girls October 15th, 2008. I was not invited to Thanksgiving dinner with my family. J went to her mom's for awhile, and then we went searching for a restaurant to eat at that night. It was very difficult to find anything open, only making the holiday more depressing. We ended up at Doneraki for a Mexican meal.
Christmas wasn't much better. I was not invited to exchange gifts with my family (they had exchanged names and had a huge get together on Christmas Eve at my brother's). I guess my parents started to feel a bit sorry for me and knew that I wanted to see the girls, so they invited me, my grandmother, my ex, and the girls over on Christmas Day for a meal and for me to give the girls their presents. The whole day was EXTREMELY awkward with no one knowing where to sit at the table (my mom put place cards down this year), and we all left right after the dishes were done. Both girls were standoffish and didn't thank me for their gifts, and neither one gave me a gift.
By January we were planning our commitment ceremony for March 1st in Las Vegas. I absolutely hated my job and wanted out of it so badly. But we were excited planning everything and picking out the rings, the clothes, etc. Except for the last minute stress of not finding the right shoes to match my dress or finding the perfect blouse to match J's suit, the planning of the ceremony was actually quite easy.
February was my birthday, and, as usual, J treated me out to dinner and gave me a pearl necklace and earrings for my birthday and Valentine's Day to wear at the ceremony! She always makes every day romantic. Left for Vegas at the end of the month!
March 1st, 2009, at 4:30 p.m.: We were "committed" at the Flamingo by an awesome minister and staff. They treated us like any other bride and groom. J was SOOOO nervous! We wrote our own vows. We had six great friends to share in our joy! Got plastered the last night downtown.
Came home sick, sick, sick. I missed quite a few days of work.
April (I think): J had to have her gall bladder taken out. Not a fun time for her. Was the first time I had seen her mom in years. We actually had a few minutes of civil conversation. I think she could tell that I was going to try to take good care of J.
May: All I could think of was getting out of my job! Started sending out resumes more diligently. I made it through the school year. My daughter graduated from high school, which we had been told by doctors would never happen. Saw a lot of old friends (and enemies) that I had not seen since I left. For the most part, they were cordial. Again, I was left out of planning the reception, so I told her I would not attend. She asked me to, but I didn't feel comfortable.
June: bored, bored, bored. Tried to see the girls as much as possible, but they both had jobs and were "busy" a lot.
July: Had given up finding a job and was gearing up for the new school year, when we got a lead on a job. Had the interview, and while I was waiting to hear back, I went to Florida for a few days. Was the first time J and I had been apart since getting back together. Was going to come out to my grandmother, but she said some derogatory remarks about gays, so I chickened out. Found a lump in my breast before I left for Florida. Started my new job on July 20th. Had my first biopsy on July 24th.
August: Was told by the surgeon that although the tumor appeared to be malignant, he would need to go back in and do a more extensive biopsy to be sure. The kind of tumor I had was really rare. Had the second biopsy on August 31st.
September: Celebrated J's birthday. Started teaching my youngest two classes. Met at the library Monday and Tuesday nights. Was still not getting as much time with the oldest one as I wanted. We started hunting for a new place to live that would be closer to our jobs.
October: Went to an oncology radiologist who said he couldn't tell me whether or not the tumor was malignant or whether or not I needed radiation. It was our call. We opted to not have the radiation done. That month is a total blur with medical bills coming in every day. We just wanted to move so badly.
November 14th, we moved into the city. J was thrilled. I missed the country and got lost a lot. Still do! Celebrated our anniversary at Carraba's. It would have been 29 years had we stayed together the first time.
December was full of mixed emotions. Our families still have not come around. Our parents are more comfortable around us, but I don't think we will ever be allowed to bring the other partner to their homes. My kids didn't sit anywhere near me at Christmas. The oldest one actually started speaking to me, though. But J and I had our first Christmas tree together and woke up on Christmas Day next to each other for the second year in a row.
So here it is, January 2010. I am starting back on the South Beach diet. I don't really like to call it a "diet." It's just another way of eating. I have about 70 lbs. to lose. One year I lost over 40 lbs on it, but then went back to eating my favorite - mashed potatoes! Lost 1 1/2 since yesterday. Been playing on the Wii and not eating carbs or sugar. I will try to keep you up-to-date on my weight loss progress. It's really not about making a resolution. I have never weighed this much in my entire life, and the only one who can change that is me! If anyone knows of a weight loss counter I can put on my blog, please let me know.
Peace to all of you this new year!