Okay, another holiday. I used to love Easter, I used to love Christmas. You would think I would look forward to being with my girls for a few hours. Not. I want to be with J. I want us to be a family. It just sucks. On holidays sometimes K16 will sit on the couch with me, but K19 does not. So I almost always just head towards a single chair for the day. It's like my "time out" or "dunce" chair. That way, it's not so awkward. It's not making the girls choose. I feel sooo guilty while I'm there because all I do is look at the clock to see when I can sneak out. Always praying that my brother has to leave early to go to his in-laws' home for a second meal and I can tail him out the door.
I haven't written in awhile; there is just not much exciting to say. I made it through the week-long trip to Florida with my oldest and my parents. It was nice, but I just couldn't be me. I wore my wedding ring, but no one said anything about it. My grandmother griped at me about everything. It's her perogative; she just turned 90 and is not feeling well. She still acts like she doesn't know about me and J. As usual, I imagine she knows in her heart but is in denial, just like she is about everything else.
J and I had a nice time at the symphony last night; they played Gershwin and a little bit of Berlin. It was so nice to be out with her on a date. I had missed that. She twisted her knee coming down the stairs, though, so I am not happy about that.
I am still looking for a job with benefits. I know the right one will just fall into my lap; they always do. My boss will be out of the country for two weeks in May, so that would be a good time to interview. Maybe God is waiting until that time.
Still working on the weight loss. See ticker above. I am reading everyone's blogs even though I may not comment much. See you next time.
"A symphony is no joke." Johannes Brahms