Sunday, February 8, 2009


Well, today we attended another church, and I really liked it. BUT what I did not expect was that they were going to do communion and I was going to get all stupid weepy-eyed over it. J asked me why I didn't want to take communion, i.e. why I was crying, and I told her because the elders of my church said I was not to take it anymore. I felt like I was doing something wrong, but I think now, looking back, that I was actually crying because I was angry. Angry because I let them get to me. But even more than that, as I looked around this absolutely BEAUTIFUL sanctuary, seeing some gay couples with their arms around one another, singing hymns, praying, listening to the choir or pipe organ (yes, my father would be proud), I suddenly got very angry that I had been missing out on all of this for the past three years. That I was emotionally "pushed out" of my church years ago because of my beliefs and because of whom I loved. I mean, I could have been listening to sermons, reading the Bible, singing praises, praying, and all of that for THREE years. And for many more years that I can't even remember, I have felt left out and unloved in the church. And how much better my life would have been. I would not have felt that I needed to deaden the pain with alcohol or pills or by hurting myself in countless ways that I will skip for this blog. Imagine it, I have probably tried it.

Well, today we tried in vain again to find the off-white slip, blouse, garter, and shoes. To no avail. I am NOT going to freak out about it. I know it will come together. And like J said, in about a month or so, when everyone is getting their Easter outfits together, there will be off-white blouses and shoes in abundance. That's what really gets my goat.

I have CPR training this Wednesday night. Can't wait, ha ha. It really is useful, though. I saved a kid from choking on a peanut butter sandwich once. It was the week after training, and I can't believe how calm I was. It just popped right out on the first try.

I cheated yesterday and wore the ring all day and all night. I didn't wear it to church because I didn't want people to think that I was married and J wasn't. It is extremely important to me that people know that we are a couple. Two men in front of us had matching rings on. I love the idea of matching rings!

J printed our invitations yesterday and we started addressing them tonight. Gentle reminder, honey, to have your pants hemmed up.

Well, our Sunday is almost over, and you know how much I loathe Sunday evenings. I look forward to the Sundays when I don't get emotional. I am going to go spend some time with J before it gets too late. I never take for granted the time I spend with her, never.

1 comment:

Rebecca said...

I am so happy you and J found a Church!
And you will find exactly what you want for your wedding, just like J said. I have faith it will be just perfect!
Oh, and I don't like that questionnaire, LOL. It wasn't right about me either on most things....