Is This Job Worth $10 - $15 an Hour? ROFL

Business owner is moving overseas to expand his business. I need a polished, OCD anal retentive (as in you belong in a straight jacket) Mother Organizer to help me get a 20 year old Houston office (that was downsized here) organized, up and running with all communications and technologies and make sure owner stays on target and is in bed by 2:00AM from his workday. The following are important: 1) Ideally, the hours would be from 10:00am to 8:00pm (even an hour later on each end) Monday thru Friday and 1:00pm to 6:00pm on Sundays which means you basically have no life which is not surprising as you are combing Craigslist ad. And the reason we advertise here is becuase it gets immediate results and no one expects a return answer. That measn if you are the first to impress me, you will start immediately on a contract basis whilst I make sure you are the best candidate. Early bird gets the worm and all that (though I would prefer you never call me that as i trust I have never deserved it) 2) You must have excellent resourcefulness . A monkey has been trained to use the internet. You may be asked to find a camera crew in Marrakesh, an 18th century silver handled sword, or get me the phone number to most famous artist in Havana. This is the highest end of the travel business and a real niche piece at that. The clients are special, the details are beyond your imagination and dealing with me is the real challenge. 3) You must be willing to work from MY home office (Sugarland / Missouri City, Fort Bend County) while I am here. I will accept NO home office arrangements whatsoever until I am out of the country. Now, if you have other skill sets such as graphic design, writing (professionally), sales, event management, project coordination or translation in French, Russian, Simplified Chinese, Malaysian or Arabic, please send me a resume under the subject heading “translator” or whichever applies. 4) If you are too sensitive to work for a AAA type personality who is a mad man in the office (I gave up swinging from the chandaliers), fast on the draw, a multi-tasker on steroids, or you have thin skin and/or are easily inclined to have you meds kick in, please don't waste your time or mine. 5) You must live near Sugarland and/or Missouri City ( for the assistant position) as the commute might kill you. And with the meager starting pay (which will stay the same for two months while you go through training and orientation, none of which will impress you. After that, if you have decided that you can continue to tolerate me and my artist personality, your compensation will result in a 15% to 20% raise as often as you can prove you deserve it (and according to market rather than your husband). I believe in paying people market rate and not a dime less. But it takes two months to see how good you are at different skill sets and whether we work well together. I also have a new start up business that needs a home based person to handle airline requests which involves talking to a lot of reservation agents at various airlines. There is nothing better than listening to the abortion of some of the finest musical pieces ever written as you sit on hold for 20 minutes so you can have the opportunity to schmooze some burned out agent in Mumbai in order to have the privilege of her undivided attention as you seek the impossible task of getting someone a ticket for an air miles reward ticket (during peak season). I would love to keep doing this personally but feel obligated to hire someone to replace me as it is simply not fair to keep all the fun in-house. And for the cold caller, I have a killer value proposition similar to selling shovels at a gold rush.